MIL Kissing Baby

Need advice on how to handle MIL kissing our baby despite specific directions not to. She has done it the last two times and always acts like it’s an accident. However she didn’t do it in the beginning so it does feel calculated to me (I am biased tho as I am not her biggest fan). She is the only one who has broken this boundary and worse she did it on the face/head. I think she will only stop with consequences. She already is not allowed alone with baby (tho she doesn’t know this it’s just a rule between hubby and I that he begrudgingly accepted). I am tempted to warn her next time she goes to hold baby that if she kisses her again there will be a specific consequence. My husband feels that I tend to be too harsh. I need feedback what others would consider reasonable as a consequence. Mostly need to be able to show my husband

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Absolutely not. I’ve told our family and friends if they break our trust with not following rules they will not be able to have access to LO.
It’s not being harsh it’s protecting your little one.

As for the head, i've heard top of head and feet/hands as alternatives to the face kiss. Is there a chance to just redirect her instead of "no kisses" so you dont seem as harsh?

Also, my baby got covid from someone who had no symptoms (according to them) so you could use that as an example of something that could happen that you want to avoid.

Also, your hubby could step up and have this convo instead ideally!

don’t let her hold your baby not even for a second and when she asks why tell her it’s bc she doesn’t take baby’s health seriously. i hate selfish adults not thinking about their actions and the impact it has on tiny babies with a not strong enough immune system.

My partner and I set this rule with our families and we made it known if you kiss the baby you aren’t allowed to hold them but we will start with a warning if they kiss them once hit if it’s something we have said more then one time we definitely pick the baby up out of their arms and don’t let them hold our LO

I didn’t allow any kisses until first immunizations then I allowed feet kisses - she still kissed her after around the temple region (first time was forehead)

Yeah we have had our first round of immunizations but we aren’t allowing kisses still until the second at the earliest but we have definitely played down the law and it would make it easier if your partner was on the sample page as you about it

Also whooping cough is a real thing and can be pretty scary adults aren’t really effected but babies are

I don't blame you. My mil did it once. I'm waiting to see if she tries again. She also didn't think it was a bad thing that she was near the baby after the film was sick and got prescribed antibiotics two days before hand. I told .y husband he better talk to her about being around sick people and then wanting to be around the baby. I mean she didn't think it was a big deal to come to our house while I was pregnant with someone who had the flu. Some people can be selfish. She kissed him on the head.

Nothing is harsh when it comes to your baby safety me personally yes I would tell anyone in my family that they can’t hold her if they don’t follow any of my rules when it comes to my baby

my adopted mom kissed my first born on the lips even tho she knew it pissed me off.. she wasn’t allowed to see or watch my baby until she promised she would never do it again.

my biological mom used to kiss me on the lips as a child and i have personally always felt weirded out by it but we also never had a great relationship.. so i vowed to never do it with my own kids. (i never judge another family doing it. so please don’t think i’m judging you if you do it. it’s just not for me. that’s all)

My husbands uncle just came from India and kissed my baby on the face and I was so shocked I didn’t even say anything. Just raged out in my head not able to open my mouth. Anyone else do this? 😓 I’m usually so combative idk why I froze up.

In my family, I don’t think anyone needs to be kissing the baby if they are not me or my husband.

For me, the consequence would be, if they can’t hold the baby without kissing baby, then they are no longer allowed to hold the baby.

I don’t think you’re being harsh. I personally don’t even let anyone hold the baby besides me and my husband. 🫣😅

I’m the same way only when it comes to my husbands parents - I usually am pretty good at standing up for myself but with his parents it’s harder bc I know my husband reacts so negatively if we don’t get along - first time I just immediately said it’s ok even tho it wasn’t and the second time I was so shocked I didn’t say anything but my FIL said something bc even he was surprised she did it again

On my way to the ER, baby’s temp is at 101.9° 2 days after Indian uncle kissed my baby 😵‍💫

Hahaha sounds ridiculous but when she kisses the baby’s face kid her face too and say it’s a accident. Give her the treatment and tell you want me to stop them stop doing it to my child.

Being stern and setting boundaries protects them.
Also tell her that she can infect your child and how will she feel if she get them sick

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.