My mum got drunk while she was watching my son

I'm honestly so angry and heartbroken.

My partner, 2 year old and I live with my mum (there's a huge backstory on why which I won't get too into but basically she needed help after a messy divorce with my dad) she's always had issues with alcohol and even before my son was born I asked her to either sort out her drinking or at the least never drink around my son. She agreed and hasn't had a drink in almost 2 years.

I asked her if she could watch my son for a couple of hours so that I could go to the cinema with my partner. I made sure it was late so that he was asleep and she didn't have to entertain him. She tells me that her friend will be coming over but I shouldn't worry because she will still obviously keep an eye on him. I have nothing against that as I know her friend very well but when she arrives she had alcohol with her. I pulled my mum aside and told her I was not happy about this and she assured me she will not be drinking any of it and sticking to tea only.

We get back and not only is she drunk but the house stinks of cigarettes because her friend is sitting smoking with the door slightly open. Luckily my son was asleep this whole time so she didn't have to go to him but I'm just so angry

I'm angry she lied to me. God forbid something happened and she was intoxicated, how would she explain that to me?! I cannot trust her anymore and I just don't know what to do. I don't even want to speak or look at her. She knows the trauma she caused by her drinking and I was very adamant about her not having any alcohol around him. I know she didn't technically go near him but she is not coherent enough to be able to settle him, not to mention her breath

Am I justified to be upset?

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yes i wouldn't even let her watch him again that is so unsafe im so sorry💕

Sometimes our only support networks aren’t the best my family aren’t great either but sometimes desperate times are needed I wouldn’t let her mind him again tbh it takes seconds for an accident to happen and it’s a lifetime of upsetment you have every single
Right to be annoyed x

This could have gone wrong in so many ways! I wouldn't trust her to take care of my baby ever again and would have some talks about a plan to smoothly live in separate homes eventually, but maybe close to each other so you can support her if needed.

Ugh, I’m so sorry. My dad was an alcoholic. He drank himself to death by the time he was 60. I am forever angry because he chose alcohol and will never meet his grandson. I definitely wouldn’t let her watch your son anymore and I would evaluate whether it’s a healthy environment for your son to grow up in. I’m not sure where you are but maybe you could look into AA meetings for you both? They can be super helpful for children with alcoholic parents.

You're right to be annoyed id be too! And wouldn't trust her again with my child

Considering she was drunk and it wasn't just a drink absolutely reasonable to be livid

10000% valid to be livid. As a child of an alcoholic I would FREAK if my parent babysat drank. I would definitely not be ok with it.

Are you living with your mother or is she living with you? If you're living with her then I guess you can't do much else than just never let her babysit again. If she's living with you I would probably even consider telling her she needs to move out.

I'm sorry this happened to you, she's extremely irresponsible

Absolutely. The cigarette smoke too. I would go absolutely mental on her ass!!!!!!!
Tbh. It should already be the norm. I have A drink or two occasionally when the kids are in bed, however, they're my baby and step son and it's always just before my partner gets in. It's never more.
If my mother has my baby, she doesn't touch a drop, because she's not hers and I've put my baby in her care. She did this regardless. I didn't need to ask.

As for cigarette smoke in the house my child is living in. I'd be moving the fuck out. That's disgusting, I don't care if he's in bed. It clings to everything, it will live on the furniture he has to sit on, everything. 🤮🤮🤮

Very unsafe. A lot of us me included raise kids without family nearby. It’s more difficult but doable.

But can I be devils advocate here. Although I understand your anger which you have every right to be. Since she hasn’t touched alcohol for 2 years, and I’m assuming you otherwise trust her since you could leave your son with her. Could she go through something you aren’t aware? Was she triggered by anything? I know it’s easier said than done, but have a serious conversation with her and warn her.

On top of what Nimco said. I think maybe in that conversation you should recommend she doesn't see that friend. Because if I had a friend who had been sober for 2 years having had an alcohol issue AND was responsible for a young child. I would not in a million years think of taking alcohol around. She needs better friends.

On top of that I would issue a stern warning, that if it happens again, you'll be moving out. You're there to help her but if she can't respect your son's welfare while you're there then your son comes first. I say warn her, but if it was me, I'd be packing my bags while she slept.

I do agree with what Bethan advised however you are unable to control her choice of friends. Also let her know you will be moving out soon due to her behaviour however in the mean time, I sincerely advice you should never leave your child with her again as it is for the best!

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?