Husband going out (need advice)

I'm really glad that your husband is super receptive to your needs! He sounds great! I usually base it off of what I need. So if I'm too burned out and don't feel like I could carry extra weight for dinner/bedtime and the next day because he's tired or something it's a no. If I feel like we haven't spent enough time together and we need to connect more, it's a no. He's really happy to make sure my needs are taken care of so it's never an argument

yes he really does try to make sure my needs are met, which I greatly appreciate. I try my best to meet his needs as well, but it’s hard because weekends are the only time he has for himself but also the only time we have with him so just hard to fill everyones cup with limited time.
I appreciate the advice, thanks!

I definitely understand that dynamic. If only we had more time in the day!

I think going out once with friends/drinking is perfectly fine and acceptable. You have to always remember to not feel guilty about it, bc you need help with the kids AND want to spend time as a family. There is no guilt in that and honestly it shouldn’t be a responsibility, it should be a want from both parties. TBH it is a bit weird to even ask a third time in a row to go out. But I guess men are kind of stupid. Anyways, don’t feel guilty and what you want is always ok (if it’s not crazy and this isn’t).

I go out every Friday night my social life is quite active. Maybe the Sat night too. And then we’ll spend all Sunday morning and lunch out, and arvo is at my mums or sisters for family catch-up so even though one of us goes out the Fri/Sat night (he’ll go out the next Sat) the daytime weekend is family but might be with another family so it’s not just, us but still considered family time. We don’t typically plan anything for a Sunday unless an actual event comes up- but we like dropping by the market. It’s pretty balanced and fair here even though we both go out twice a month. What day this weekend did he wanna go, you can have your me time the other night and do family day on the Sunday. My friends are mostly single and coparenting but I do go salsa dancing which I go alone for that since it’s partner dancing. If you moved to a new city and don’t have anyone to go with look for a fun hobby that you can attend by yourself you’ll meet people there.

Spend time with him in the day time.. and while you are spending time with him, allow him to do some things for you that will help you through the night so he can go out. If it’s one night out of the weekend that should be fine.. my husband only go out once a month because he wants to be here for our son, spend time, feed him, play with him.. he enjoys it and doesn’t want to miss anything.. but ofcourse this is our first so that might be different and change after a second one.. but we have this thing where we take time for ourselves. For example friday I tell him from 2-5pm i will be doing things that makes me happy weather its going put with a friend for lunch or whatever.. and he watch baby and Saturday is his time to go out.. Sunday we spend time together as a family through out the day.. so that way it’s out of our system to need a break and then we come together again during the week.. as he works I take care of baby and when he gets back helps me at night before bed..

I don't think it's the number of times he's going out, I think it's what he's doing that's the problem. Lunch dates are more appropriate, especially if it's people you work with. Stay classy, stay professional it's your livelihood on the line.

Once a month/ tops

I personally don't think it's fair to put hard limits on how often an adult person is "allowed" to go out, but rather assess on a case by case basis. I'm definitely the more social one in my relationship (I go out 2-3x per week for lunches, coffee, shopping, etc with friends or my sister) while my husband is more of a homebody and likes to spend his downtime playing video games, working on his Lego collection, etc. I usually time my outings around the kids nap or after bedtime. I would feel trapped and resentful if my husband suddenly told me I could only go out 1-2x per month. I value my friendships a lot and they need to be nurtured, just like any other important relationships.

That being said I always reciprocate for my husband to support what he chooses to do with his spare time, and I would never prioritize outings with friends over time with my kids, dates with my husband, etc. Also drinking to excess is unacceptable

Once every three months

Are you getting enough time to go out and get a break from childcare? Do you feel like he's been there and supported you when he is home? Does he offer or give extra help with the house before he leaves or after he comes back? If you felt good about it, I don't think it would bother you for him to go out. Think about what would make you feel better that he can do and askfor it. He would probably be happy to pitch in extra so you felt supported while he was seeing his friends.

Thank you everyone for the responses and helpful feedback/advice! It really helped me look at things from a different perspective and made me figure out why him going out so much really bothered me.

We did end up talking about it more and to sum it all up, I told him that him going out 3 weekends in a row made me feel like he was prioritizing his friends over our family.
He simply just felt like he needed that social time outside of work/home for his own mental health.
He’s an extrovert, and I’m an introvert so we just have different preferences when it comes to how we spend our time. I tend to get upset when he doesn’t share the same wants as me, and I know that’s not fair.
We agreed to both be better about respecting and meeting each other’s needs, while also keeping our girls as our priority. We’re trying to organize our monthly calendar to better accommodate both our personal time, date nights & family time.