Does your partner buy your children from a previous relationship Christmas presents or does he half you on the cost of them all?

My partner doesn't pay for half of the presents and he doesn't get my 3 children Christmas presents at all.
He does half me the cost of the Christmas presents for the 2 children we have together
Would this upset you or annoy you?
I'm not sure what way to go about this tbh I shouldn't have to ask him to buy my children presents or help me.
The only financial help I get from him is for the two children we have and the food he eats. Other than that I pay for everything. We have been together for 3 years and have two children together. I have 3 children from my previous relationship

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When you get into a relationship with someone who has children already, the intention is to become their family too. You don’t single out children because they aren’t biologically yours. I have 2 kids, 1 from a previous & one together, and he treats my eldest like his own. Even when it comes to her school fees or other things, he will always contribute because he WANTS too. He took on the role of step father when he stepped into my life. If that wasn’t his intentions when we met, we wouldn’t be together today.

Those children will grow up feeling like the odd ones out because of it. It’s not fair to them. They should never feel jealous or resentful toward their siblings and this type of behaviour will teach them to do exactly that.

Yeah, you don't single out children just because they're not biologically related to you. My husband and I only share one child, but he has a child from a previous relationship and I would never dream of not including my step son in Christmas presents! When you have a relationship with someone who has children, those children become your family too.

Not in that situation, but this shows a bigger problem than being stingy.

When one marries or moves in with someone who has children from a previous relationship, one adopts the whole family, not just the new partner.

Those children were there before. If the new partner is going to draw a line with his level of involvement, it should be clear from the beginning so you can think if that is good enough and OK for you. Did you discuss this?

If someone came to tell me they were not going to contribute towards my children from a previous relationship, I would say good bye. Let them go and find their single lady with zero commitments.

Also to mention he doesn't get his family Christmas presents either 🤦🏻‍♀️ I have to buy his Mum something and he gives me the money for it. Also for Mother's day and her Birthday.
So I'm not sure if it's just who he is as a person

If he was giving you money to buy presents for everyone, then I would say that is how he is as a person.

But he doesn't give you money for the presents of all your children does he?

And making you pay for half of the cost of the presents of the children you share... Do you earn the same amount? Otherwise you shouldn't be splitting costs 50/50

I think it's more down to who he is as a person based on the family thing. I buy all Christmas presents even for his family and have done for years (we've been together for 10 years).

But I'm from a family that's very much about "it's the thought that counts" and he's not. His dad is exactly the same.

I would say that our finances are completely blended though, so not a financial thing because he's technically paying for them too.

We have 1 LO together and no previous kids, but I'm not holding my breath on him buying LO any gifts. I know it's just the way he is (annoying though!)

Mine used to half me

I wouldn't necessarily mind buying all of the presents, but he should absolutely be giving you half of everything. Do you only ask for half of what you buy for your shared children? Or do you ask for half of it all and he only gives you enough for the biological kids?

was he like this before you had children together?

I just want to clear things up...
My partner DOESNT treat my 3 children any different than his bio children's! They all feel loved the same.
The only thing he doesn't do is pay towards my 3 children in which they don't know that as I say their presents are from both of us and Santa.
So for the people saying they will feel left out,, they WONT! they never have and never will.

Are you making their father pay for things for them ?

Not in this position, but this seems icky. Why doesn’t he split costs for your children? Why is he only paying for his food and some expenses for his bio kids?

See when I had a step child I bought her stocking and dad bought her presents but we halved her birthday costs so I would all in all spend less than him on her at Christmas (but still 70+). I think if I started dating someone and it was serious like living together etc then I would expect them to care for my child and thinking about them and giving gifts/engaging in the magic of birthdays and Christmas for them comes under that umbrella. I wouldn’t expect a lot but I would expect a contribution even though my daughter wouldn’t be biologically theirs

Me and my husband used to half when we were dating. Once we got married, and I stopped working to stay home with the babies we had together, he started paying for all the gifts.

I think its childish for someone that plans to be with you long term to exclude any of your children. Previous relationship or not. The goal is to be a family no ? I wouldn’t appreciate him othering my children and I would have a serious discussion about what that means for our future. I can kind of understand if the father of the other 3 kids may get them extra gifts. If he is still financially responsible for his kids, Then it seems like your kids with your current partner get “less” but if he wants to be with you he cant pick and choose which kids to care for.

Christmas and birthdays he will give my oldest money, he’s 14 so prefers to get his own stuff now. Day to day he doesn’t provide for him financially, if we go for a meal of course he’ll pay for my son too but not like clothes and necessities etc.

As a stepmum I can tell you I pay for half my stepsons stuff But, I didn't straight away. When we first got together I would usually buy a couple of presents and we would put them all together and say everything's from both of us but, these days I tend to find most of the presents and buy them and just say 'i got all the kids gifts, can you send me half please' or just buy it out of the joint account (we have a daughter together) I just think if youre a really established family then you should kind of want to put in. This year for my stepsons birthday I think I went and physically got every present and I organised his party, his cake, decorations but I genuinely wanted to. I like doing it.

And of course obviously I get my stepson anything I want to get him the same way I do my daughter... If I go shopping and I see something he would like, I'll just get it. Not having my blood doesn't make a jot of difference to me. He's my kid in every other respect. So, in conclusion, I think if you've been together a good length of time he should be splitting it all with you even if 'technically' he doesn't have to.

My partner of 14 years will buy presents for the older 2 without hesitation. He's been my saving grace this Christmas as i was struggling to know what to get them. Lol 😆

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.