Bf broke baby’s 1st ornament

So we are decorating the tree and we have a few fragile ornaments. Baby is 8 months old, we have carpet. As we are putting up the ornaments I said to my bf “put the fragile ones up high and nestle them in”. And he said “but then we can’t see them”. I explained gently how they could break if they are hanging on the edge of a branch. Mind you we decorated a tree together last year. He started getting upset and I couldn’t understand why. I end up sitting in the couch with baby for a nap and he goes to hang baby’s ornament. I have had this ornament in a paper bag, top of baby’s closet to prevent it from getting damaged btw. And he asks why it’s in a paper bag, I explain again, it’s fragile, be careful since he asked…and he says “well it’s not glass” and then as he grabbing the string, it drops and he just stands there staring. The heat that rose in my body……..he picks it up and lo and behold, it’s broken. I just sit in silence for a moment then ask if the receipts in the bag. Then he starts defending himself, and I’m like ???? No words came out of my mouth for you to start getting all pissy with me. Now I know my tone at this point was irritable, and I said “I’m not upset with you, but I am upset the ornament broke”. I knew I didn’t need to explain the significance of the ornament because I could see the embarrassment on him. But we had already been somewhat arguing because he said something about putting all the lights and the ornaments on one side of the tree. We have since cleared the air on that, but not after him talking over me repeatedly. His reasoning for talking over me was “I just needed to get it out”. But in that process, I said “you’re talking over me”, “please stop” and got so frustrated I felt like I was going to cry. I just don’t understand why when he had to argue with me about the being fragile? And then he broke it and now he feels the need to argue with me? I don’t degrade him or yell at him or blame things on him so I don’t understand why he gets mad AT ME when he does something wrong. Like I do, because his mom used to call him an idiot. But I never have so why do you have to take it out on me! I am not your enemy! I’m trying to tell myself everyone just feels the pressure to make the holidays perfect and it’s okay, things break, it was bound to at some point. It’s just the fact that I said “hey they’re fragile so be gentle” and he went and argued about it?????? Like what is the purpose of that???? For why???? And then when you break it because you thought I was bluffing you argue with me???? 🙄 it’s frustrating and now he won’t talk at all and it’s annoying af because he has to go to work later and I just wanted to have a good day. I feel like I carry the mental and emotional load. Add in, he won’t get off his damn phone, it’s becoming a real issue in the past few weeks and I want to throw it across the room. Like bro gets so upset when I ask him to put it down, “well I was looking at this” well yes obviously you were looking at something but you aren’t presently in this moment because your fucking screen is more important than your family apparently. Just venting…

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I think, even though you’re not yelling or anything at him, he’s just incredibly embarrassed and he feels stupid. In front of you. The person that he wants respect from the MOST. And even though you’re not yelling, he already knows that he did something ’wrong’ because you’d already told him to be careful with it (and told him and told him and told him). I see it with my 5 year old ALL of the time. If his mom DID used to yell and etc. at him, that may be where he’s ‘stuck’ even if you’re different. I think he might benefit from talking with either a personal or a couples therapist on why he does this and how to move past it. As for you, I know that you carry it through the day, even once hea already gone, but that is a choice that you’re making as well. Try to sit down, take some REALLY deep and calming breaths. Do something fun that you enjoy for 10, 15 minutes if possible, reset, and then really try to make a CHOICE to enjoy the day.
I feel you though. I’ve got 3 kids and (contd.)

last night, each of them spilled or knocked over something HUGELY messy and/or expensive and made 3 absolutely MASSIVE messes that I then had to spend 15-20 minutes cleaning up each of (this after my son shattered 2! of my NICE food storage containers and snapped the handle off of my favorite ceramic baking dish. All in one fell swoop. 😐🫤🤦🏻‍♀️ But, each time, the kid obviously felt AWFUL (even though reactions varied widely from getting mad at ME, I wasn’t even in the room!, to just SOBBING, to just standing there staring as the mess grew bigger and bigger and bigger. 🤦🏻‍♀️). All you can do is try to clean it up and/or fix it the best you can and move on with your day (even though I! wanted to scream at them, it does no good, just like you know with your bf), so you just gotta make the choice that you’re STILL going to enjoy the day, even if it didn’t exactly start out how you wanted it to.

Take a look at “emotionally avoidant” when you get a chance. Him constantly blaming you or getting mad at you even when you’re not on the wrong goes deeper than you’re relationship, it stems from rejection or lack of acknowledgment in childhood, constant feelings of inadequacy he may feel like he’s never been good enough because he was always seen as “the idiot” from a young age so he taught himself to get ahead of it even when that’s not the path you’re sending him down he’s choosing to assume how you think or feel about him based on having to develop this type of method as a coping mechanism from a very young age. If that is the case the only way to fix this is with individual or couples therapy because it can affect relationships in adulthood and can’t be untwined without therapy. He’s projecting what he went through in childhood on to you and seeing you in the place where his mother was growing up yet in this instance where he couldn’t stand up to his mother he’s instead standing..

Up to you and saying everything to you that he wishes he could of said to her from his mouth as a young child

That’s EXACTLY what my ex husband used to do. I finally got to the point that I just pretty much ignored him. I stayed in a happy place, if he wasn’t, than our interactions were very short. I did the same thing that I ALSO tell my 5 year old. “Let me know when you’re ready to talk about it.” And then I go about my day, gray rocking him. Our interactions are short and sweet (on my end), nothing but the basic information necessary to answer the question/inquiry/situation at hand. When he’s ready to be decent, we can talk. Otherwise, I’m not letting him bring me down.

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