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Step Mamas 🇬🇧

Advice

Hi I’d just like some advice and I don’t want “you signed up for this” because i definitely did not sign up for how everything is making me feel.

My SD’s (4) mum was so nice to me before I was pregnant, we had a really good relationship (that I reached out to build for the sake of SD as a child of a blended family myself) and when she found out I was pregnant it all went downhill. She made my pregnancy and is making my postpartum hell. She constantly shuts me out, bombarded me with texts and calls when I was pregnant, put a lot of pressure on what was happening on my due date, refuses to let SD be on her own with me (I’ve not done anything other than tell her mum how she was making me feel and when I was pregnant) and now if I text her regarding my LO (4 months) and SD she kicks off saying I have “no right” to speak to her even though it’s regarding MY child and MY home that I solely own. My OH rarely sticks up for me in those situations.

On top of all that, when SD comes here her behaviour is really challenging, I understand she’s 4 but even myself and others have agreed there is a lack of boundaries at home for her. Since my last disagreement with her mum, SD comes here every other weekend and when we say we’re going to do things she responds with “yeah but LO can’t come” or “you and LO can’t come” which I think is so strange and so difficult. Every other weekend, my LO’s routine is disrupted as my OH prioritises SD’s needs so I feel like it’s down to me, on my own, to care for LO. Which is fine, I’m his mum, but I don’t like feeling like he’s less than.

OH is from over an hour away and we both work there when I’m not on mat leave. We decided, when things were good, that it would make sense to live there. However, things are not great anymore with everything going on and OH’s family rarely make an effort with my LO which is really difficult because with the other children in their family they make a huge effort. They only really see my LO if I take him there myself. They came here the day after he was born and they haven’t come here to see him since. If we go there, it is me that gives LO the majority of his care, when we were going through a really challenging time with LO with his feeding, they could see how stressed it would make me every time it was time to feed and no one helped me, I was on my own dealing with it in a separate room. I constantly feel isolated in my own home and I’m worried that if I move an hour away I’m moving away from my family and friends to somewhere where I get very little help or support from his family. The house we would be buying is basically paid from my money from my own house sale. I am fighting the urge to buy my own home where I am from, get a job closer to home which is sad because I love my current job, and do things separate where I know I have support and that my LO is important to everyone in his life. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?