Yelling

Honestly put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it it was a way my mom could snap out of whatever funk she was in etc, or if your kids are old enough ask them o hold you accountable ask them to say “mom maybe you need a big breath” my mom used to do that with us incase she got to overwhelmed

Honestly, it's not a "wake up and never do it again" thing, esp if it's engraved in your system. It takes time. Lately I've been quiet or I'll repeat myself (numerous times of course 🙄) then I'll take whatever they have and put it somewhere they can't get and tell them when they're done I might give it back or we'll try again tomorrow. I still yell. Some days are better than others BUT always apologize, always let them cry it out, soothe them then apologize and say you don't like to yell but you needed to be heard and it's hard to talk to you when you're not listening or screaming louder. Maybe you can try to whisper or mouth words, sing and dance, play music and shake it off, turn off the lights (dark time usually means settle down and quiet time in my house)....it takes time, each day is a new day, give yourself grace. That or if going on a walk or quick drive is possible, usually works for us, or switching rooms. There isn't going to be a day where they're going to test you, just try your best.

I also grew up in a yelling household. I’ve gone through a few years of therapy and the one thing that’s helped me the most is understanding my “window of tolerance”.
Imagine a window. If the window is wide open, your tolerance level is high. If the window is only open an inch or two, your tolerance is low.

Understanding where my tolerance level is for the day helps me prepare myself for stressful situations. I’m better prepared to walk away and take deep breaths because I know I simply can’t handle it that day. And vice versa.

I know it’s not much but I hope it helps a little! You can always message me. I’ve learned a lot through therapy & love sharing

I grew up in it, I personally don’t yell. I remove myself and then calmly address the issues however I did see a parenting coach discussing if you’re going to yell, then yell in a funny voice, that way you’re releasing how you feel but your children aren’t scared x

I've had times where I tell my toddler "I'll be right back" and go in another room and close the door. I RARELY prevent her from getting to me so she doesn't like it and it had made her cry which breaks my heart but it stops the behavior and I can breathe a second and then return and hold her and explain once we've both calmed down but it's unrealistic to think I'll never yell. But I'm trying and that's all you can do💕

It’s not so much waking up & deciding not to parent a toxic way or to break generational curses/cycles, it’s more about treating ALL humans, even the small ones, how you wished you were treated. My parents weren’t yellers, they made the choice to try some of the popular parenting styles back then, but didn’t stick w/them bc they knew they shouldn’t be feeling guilt if they made the right decision, but I made up my mind when I was a kid that I’d take it a step further, no more letting the community decide that kids should be seen not heard. When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, walk away for a moment, YOU have to change how you cope, the best way is by going to the bath/bedroom alone, breathe & then use your brain when you can think logically, how can I handle this w/o yelling/hitting/belittling. My 4yo picked up on this, he goes to his bedroom to finish tantrums, you should do the same & have your kids do it too, not as a punishment, we’re just human & need calm sometimes.

Let's put it this way...If we are constantly thinking that we should give our two cents to someone who did us wrong, the next time we see them no matter how much we are holding ourselves back, it will happen, cause we were dwelling on it for to long. Now, if we are constantly reminding ourselves about yelling and dwelling on it in a healthy way of who we don't want to be, it will be in our back of our minds and we are going to think before we act. So it takes time, but it's important that you keep reminding yourself, and one day it will get much better. We’re never going to be perfect, but if we constantly trying, dwelling on it, at least we’ll never be where we used to be.

The biggest thing that I was done is try and ask not tell. So if my child is doing something I don’t want them to do I ask them with a calm voice to stop then my voice gets more stern if they don’t listen, but I still always ask not tell. So for example, if my son is touching something that I don’t want him to touch I say “can you stop touching that please” if he does not listen, my voice gets more stern and I say “mommy asked you to stop touching that please don’t touch”. It helps me control my yelling but also I don’t like to be told what to do as an adult and I try to respect that my son doesn’t either. I usually give an example as to why I don’t want him to do what he’s doing explaining keeps me calm because it makes me think of why I don’t want them to do what they’re doing and if it’s worth the battle or not. If he’s touching something that’s not safe. I always tell him that that’s not safe that’s why mommy doesn’t want you to touch but I’m not perfect and still yell sometimes

OMG SAMMEEEE!! Not growing up in a yelling household part (I don’t think but maybe actually) but same. My mama heart feels this and I’m looking for answers too!

Here for the comments but HUGS MAMA ✨

What do you do differently on the days you don't yell? If you already have something that works for you sometimes, how can you notice it and do that more often? Do you eat breakfast? Do you have a morning quickie with your spouse? A coffee? Take a shower? Have meals covered? Do you go to play group? Do you call a friend or parent? Is it when your kids nap? Your answers will be individual to you, but what are the things that get you centered, powered up, and ready to take on whatever happens in your day? If it helps, keep a journal, or do a mini time study in a planner to see what is working on the days you don't yell, what isn't working when you do yell, and how you can set yourself up for success more often. Don't aim for zero yelling. If you can figure out how to yell 1 less time per day, it will add up. Try walking into a different room, if it's safe. Or knowing that feeling like yelling is a cue to take the kids outside. Or have dad tap in.

If it's a good one, good luck with the job! 🍀

Also, I often tell my kids "I can't hear you when you're screaming," and it involuntarily echoes back in my mind when I catch myself raising my voice. It's so true. You don't hear the content, just the volume. And neither can they. Which is to say, there's no point to it, really. It's just more NOISE.

I can relate. My parents fought all the time growing up and now I’m paying for it. I’ve been in intense therapy, but since u said u can’t really afford it, try searching up grounding techniques and breathing techniques. It takes some time, but it has worked for me. You have to be dedicated to it