Partner kicked door through in temper while holding our baby

Our daughter was teething and unwell. I’d done all the childcare that day while he recovered from drinking the day before. Around bedtime, I asked him to sit with her for about five minutes while I ate and got her things ready. Even during that short time he seemed visibly agitated and stressed just being alone with her.

Later, while bathing her, she started crying and having a typical toddler tantrum. He became increasingly frustrated and started shouting. He then picked her up in a towel and tried to get into the bedroom. Instead of letting me open the door, he repeatedly kicked it while holding her. I asked him several times to stop and let me open it. But he wouldnt let me and kicked the door through. The door latch broke, wood splintered, and metal was exposed from the force.

After this i asked him to give our daughter to me and go take some time. He physically blocked me from taking her and aggressivly shoved my arms away while she was crying and reaching for me. He later said that i was oblivious and he'd done that to get her to the bed safely as he nearly dropped her in the bathroom and that what he did was the safest thing and his only option (it's rubbish he lost his temper and was aggressive and looking for something to break) this isn't the first time he's thrown things, broken things or punched objects in a temper.

When I pointed out there were at least three safer options (hand her to me, put her down safely, or let me open the door), he minimised it and said he hadn’t kicked the door through, that he was just trying to open it with his foot and it was an accident. The damage doesn’t reflect that — it was clearly forceful. (See picture)

Later that evening, instead of apologising, he messaged me saying “I don’t want to be here anymore” (implying suicide), then deleted it. This is something he’s done before during conflict.

Since I’ve left, he has continued to justify his behaviour rather than take responsibility.

I feel confused because he says he was panicking and trying to keep her safe, but from where I was standing, his behaviour felt aggressive, unsafe, and escalating. I’m struggling with self-doubt and would really appreciate hearing from others who have experienced similar minimisation or justification after frightening behaviour. I've reported him to the police today but I'm terrifed of what happens next. Help!

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Wow this sounds terrifying and absolutely not okay. Your instincts are right and his behaviour was unacceptable and aggressive.
You did the right thing reporting this to the police, honestly your safety and your child’s safety is the most important thing.
Agressive people can tend to minimise and justify their behaviour but you’re not overreacting, and you’re not alone ❤️‍🩹

I think you know deep down what is really going on here. Please trust your instincts and know that this behaviour is abusive. Kicking a door down with his child in his arms would have been terrifying for her. There is no excuse for that. And clearly there is a pattern of behaviour here. You’ve done the right thing by calling the police. You absolutely have to keep you and your child safe. And threatening suicide is just another form of (psychological) abuse. Please don’t doubt yourself ❤️

This was my childhood. At 41 years young, my bedroom door has just been fixed (replaced) it had punch and kick damage since I was a small child.
There was never any apologies, or ownership of the behavior.

My ex, would go ballistic and then do the suicidal threats it was him trying to make him the victim when he was in the wrong.

So I know it from both the childhood terror, and the desperation that comes when you try and protect your child.

Behavior is communication as well, minimalism and denial is the only way they can live in the world, if they really self-reflect on how unacceptable their behavior was they couldn't behave that way.

It's a form of abuse and control.
Mum said the other day she only stayed (and stays) because it would have been so inconvenient to drive 25m to school and work from my grandfathers.

Well done for being so brave and reporting this. You know what's right, you know what's safe, you know the truth.dint accept his narrative.

You did the right thing, don’t even question it.
Your baby reached for you in that moment because she wanted safety. He needs to learn from his actions and is definitely not safe behaviour for a young un’ to be around.

Get some support from the National Domestic Abuse helpline 0808 2000 247
This behaviour is absolutely not ok and will only get worse.
Get yourself and your daughter out of there safely x

in our community

5 month old activities

Hey everyone my baby is 5 months old and I want to reduce/cut screen time as I have read up on how bad it is what activities did people do to keep their baby entertained. Thank you in advance.

My friend is over from another country but I don't feel like leaving the house

One of my old friend's is visiting where I currently live and we agreed to meet up today but I feel so tired and exhausted from everything that's been going on with me. I feel if I meet her I'm going to end up having another breakdown from the exhaustion which I have been having often. I'm just thinking about how I need to rest to be able to deal with my toddler and go back to work on Monday without feeling like I need another weekend. I'm torn on what to do so I need you guys to help me decide

Post partum dad

I have a 2 month old. A few weeks ago my husband crashed out because he didn't feel like he was getting to bond with her. I started exclusively breastfeeding around that time and honestly didnt see the big deal. Baby and I left for a few days and when we got back home, everything was fine. He was extremely hands-on. He helped with my meals, her bedtime, bath, stories.....for a few weeks it was great. Then he randomly sounds depressed af. He says our lo is better off without him, he wants to sleep all day , he asks me not to watch tv then tried playing a video game. He refused to reply to me when i asked any follow-up questions. Then he woke up our baby trying to race me to the bathroom first thing in the morning . He's doing a weird mix of crying, trying, and giving up. Im starting to feel like I cant handle him not being able to handle life with baby and just want to be alone. Are there resources for men?

Weaning

Hello mamas,could I get some advice please with how and what to wean as started this week with my baby but not really what to give and when what time day. Have started with puree vegetables and making them myself and offering it in the evening to my baby but she tends to get irritated and tired and has a few spoonfulls and then gives up and has a meltdown. So I’m questioning myself am I feeding her wrong time of day and what’s best to mix the food with milk or baby rice please.

My 2 year old won’t eat nothing but snacks

Is this normal ? He won’t even try anything I eat .. he really only like pizza fries and spaghetti… nuggets and snacks bananas some other fruit but like anything else he won’t eat if try but I don’t want to force him I’m just I feel like bad I mean he isn’t losing weight I breastfeed mostly still

Do I need to pay anything when my child starts school in September

I'm a new mum and obviously didn't grow up in the uk. I currently pay roughly £640 for nursery fees. I'm wondering if my expenses will reduce when my LO starts school or there'll be other expenses (besides bags, uniform etc) will my expenses be anywhere close to £600 monthly?