Thoughts on people watching your child(children) before they are at an age to clear speak and express themselves?

I do not allow ANYONE, beside my husband and I to watch our child. Including family members. I just feel there is no need if my husband and I are capable. I also fear boundries being crossed, such as punishment/discipline, feeding him things we don’t allow him to eat/drink. Just overstepping what we’ve set out for the child as their parent… thoughts?

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My daughter is 16 months and I still feel this way, for some reason every time we think things will go well at someone else’s house it never does. Imo just don’t let other people watch your kids, maybe a few hours but nothing to long. My kid comes back different in some type of way EVERY SINGLE time. Older generations do not give a crap about how we want to raise our kids or what boundaries we have.

My MIL tried feeding my 3 month old goats milk😭😭😭 it’s so hard to trust anyone.

For real!!!!

I'm right there with you, but I don't think a lot of people are? so I feel weird about it. The execution hasn't been perfect for us, but I've been okay with things so far: We use a daycare that has multiple cameras in each room, always recording, so I feel comfortable with that. We needed to have relatives watch our daughter while our son was being born. There have been a couple other times when we've had someone watch the kiddos so we could have a date night. Have you thought about that, how the two of you will be able to have alone time outside the house, without relying on anyone else? Honestly I'm more comfortable with friends watching than relatives because at least for us, they have already verbalized ways in which they'd love to violate how we want to raise our kids, and a few times already have (by neglecting to ask permission and by intentionally doing something we told them not to).

Our oldest isn't even 3 yet, but I'm already worried about when they reach an age of being able to speak for themselves, of our relatives telling them things like "this can just be our little secret, don't tell your parents"

Girl! You are better than me 😅 at least you can tell people you gave it a go and they proved to you not to be fit to watch your children. The thought of sneaky things going on behind my back, let alone me finding out about said sneaky things … I will blow a gasket lol

It has definitely crossed my mind that if my husband and I want alone time or to go on a date the only possible way is for someone to watch the kids but with my confidence in people being at an all time low right now that will not be happening lol and I think for the most part my husband understands my feelings on that. And again, I just personally feel like making that sacrifice for a few years is ultimately worth it. How I look at it is, I birthed the child. I have to be willing to make the sacrifices that come with taking care of and raising the child. But like you said I think very few feel that way. It seems the tradition is to count on others to help raise your children. Im just not into that being the norm

I wish I could be like that a lot of the time honestly cuz I know some of my wariness is from fear-mongering "stranger danger" but I can't shut off the part of my brain that whispers "but what if?" 😭 And then like I said our relatives are their own hairball, and I'm not trying to open us up to all that drama again. We only have 2 (both toddler age) so far, and it feels like a lot to me, so I'm trying to open my mind up a bit cuz #3 is already on the way 😅

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?