Is this normal or should I be concerned?
Hey everyone š
My daughter is 18 months old, and Iām finding it tricky to sum her up. On the one hand, sheās incredibly bright and loves socialising, and while I know every parent probably thinks their child is ahead of the curve, I genuinely feel like sheās a bit advanced for her age. Her speech is great, and sheās been walking and dancing since she was 10 months old, so Iām not worried about her development at all. However, thereās one thing Iām struggling with: she doesnāt do well with change.
We canāt just hop in the car and go on a whim. I always have to time trips around her nap, or else she gets really upset. She also struggles with being away from home close to bedtime, so we try to get back by 5 pm to stick to her routine, or bedtime becomes a real struggle. Iām fine with all of this, but it does feel a bit suffocating. Every day feels like a repeat of the last because she doesnāt handle change well, and we never seem able to make last-minute plans. Our life has become incredibly structured, and thereās no room for spontaneity even when itās to show her something fun, like when we recently visited Centre Parks. We couldnāt even fully get into holiday mode and enjoy ourselves because she got so upset with all the change.
Is this typical for her age, or do I need to start pushing her a bit more out of her comfort zone? She loves her nursery, but I think thatās because itās so structured and predictable, which feeds into the same issue.
As a first-time mum, Iām not sure if this is what most other toddler mums are experiencing or if I should be doing something differently. I see other familyās going abroad and doing long days out and that feels really far out of our reach at the moment. Any advice or thoughts would be really appreciated!
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Hey, my daughter is 16 months - bright, sociable and has amazing language already. I always make sure weāre home for her midday nap after lunch, and start the dinner-bath-bedtime routine at 5pm because she gets so tired and struggles otherwise. Iām not sure if this is the same that you are describing or if your daughter struggles with more change? I figure once my daughter drops the midday nap, that we can do long days out but for now we go out mornings and/or afternoons š
My daughter is 18 months old too. We always try to be at home for her naps&bed time. I always have lunch/snack with me in case she gets hungry(she loves eating, she gets really upset if we are a bit late to feed her).
Basically one of us always has to be at home for her bed time because she doesnāt sleep in pram at night, so itās super normal at this stage
Same here, my daughter is 21 months, we come home for midday nap and evening routine. We try to be home by 6 for dinner and start her bedtime at 7pm
It's tricky because they are all so different, and at that age, their personalities are coming through full throttle! From what you've said, it sounds like this happens around naps / bed. Do you think it could be more tired and cranky rather than the change itself? As others have said, most of us make sure that nap is sorted or we pay the price, and myself and every parent I know with young kids will be in and sorting dinner by 4:30/5pm. Toddlers are loose canons!
I think it's hard not to compare with other families but try not to. You aren't with them all day, and I can guarantee they all had their moments! People always show and tell what they want you to see. If we go on holiday, my toddlers are hooligans all night. I would only be slightly concerned if she was completely unable to handle ANY change in her routine, eg going to the park rather than the library. Do you feel that's the case?
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Burn out and feel alone
My baby (first child) is 10m and Iām beyond exhausted. Since he was born Iāve been doing majority of the parenting. My partner says things like āyou do it betterā and āyouāve worked with kids so Iāll learn from youā all the time, but Iām a first time parent too. He managed to sleep through most of the newborn stage while I was recovering from an emergency section - slept through alarms set to give me a chance to sleep, slept through the baby crying and ME crying trying to wake him up. I didnāt have the energy to be angry about anything so I left it.
Our baby is now 10 months and I still feel like Iām always solo parenting. Heās said things like ātake the highchair upstairsā when Iāve said I havenāt been able to shower because the baby is mobile now so I canāt just have him in the bathroom and āget your mum to look after himā when I say I need time to study (Iām retraining and have until Feb to complete my coursework). My partner gets up at 5am to have some time to himself to watch tv and play PlayStation before going to work so thatās when my solo parenting starts - baby wakes between 6:30/7 but he moves a lot in our bed so I canāt get proper sleep if itās just me and him in there in case he bumps etc. partner goes to work between 7-8, comes home between 4-6 (I donāt mind this- I signed up for being the stay at home parent for now) but when he gets home heās on his phone or washing bottles (which is helpful) rather than spending time with our baby. I put our son to bed at 7:30 and he usually makes dinner. We watch what he wants on tv, then go to bed and baby is usually in our bed from around 4am (teething currently so a lot earlier than this)
I donāt get a break. Managed 5 minutes on the kitchen floor to sit down and was instantly needed agin to look after the baby. I used to beg him to take our son for a bit when he finishes work so I can have a break but that never happens so I stopped wasting my breath but Iām now so resentful and burnt out I canāt be a good parent to my son anymore and I donāt want my partner near me and itās killing me. I genuinely sometimes think that if I knew it would be like this I never would have had a child. I donāt know what to do. Iāve tried
To talk about how I feel but he either doesnāt look up from his phone, changes the subject, or flat out doesnāt respond when I speak so I give up.
He steps in and takes the baby when Iām at breaking point but I need him to not keep letting it get to that before taking him. Of course this is just one side of it and Iām sure he sees it differently but itās how I feel and I just need a break.
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We came to the realisation last night that maybe we have done a crappy job parenting.
It came after our toddler threw a massive tantrums.
Our nursery have been telling us about behavioural issues but at home or anything other setting it never seemed bad.
Like she is not a bad kid.
We recognised she does not listen all the time. But we thought what toddler does.
We haven't been consistent with disciplining her when she is naughty. We have basically survived on distraction technique which is our f up.
So starting today we are trying to make changes to hopefully manage this behavioir.
She is verrrry strong willed. Like I have never seen a kid this strong willed before. And I think that's why we used distraction to avoid massive tantrums
Any tips?
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Sorry. Rant/venting over lol
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