Ok so reality hit - we did a crappy job

Not listening is normal toddler behaviour. They can developmentally only listen 25% of the time and it takes them a bit longer to process what has been said.

You've mentioned disciplining her when naughty. What does she do that's "naughty"?

Most of the time it's not misbehaving it's that are struggling to understand their emotions plus they have no impulse control so punishing doesn't necessarily help.

Distraction can be useful however let her sit with the emotions if she's not hurting herself or others. Name them out loud and show her how to handle them. Deep breaths etc.

Distraction isn’t always bad! Mostly it’s when I take my toddler to bed, but I have to decipher “is this tantrum just because he’s tired and can’t settle?” Or “is he angry/upset/frustrated about something”. The first is usually easy to tell because he isn’t upset about one thing, it’s everything and I can usually distract him from that with something like counting or reading. The second for example would be him having a tantrum because I’ve said no, he can’t bring a giant truck to bed. Again, he is probably more bothered by it because he’s tired. But you have to stick to your guns, reassure them that you know it’s frustrating etc but they are your rules. I think it also depends where on that scale they are too, when they’re fully in it and worked up you have to just let them work through it. Your child isn’t naughty and you haven’t failed as a parent! You just need to help them sit in disappointment or other strong feelings. Mum to a stubborn kid here too🤣 Ixxx

Toddlers cant always communicate or process their emotions so it comes out in huge tantrums and is usually taken out on mum or primary caregivers, people they trust and feel comfortable around. That doesnt mean you've done a crappy job, its natural for kids to go through phases, if they dont thats more concerning as they might not feel safe enough to let it out.
They grow out of it. Distraction and misdirection is a good technique, i found time out was the only thing my toddler would recognize as he couldnt always comprehend what i was trying to explain to him x

There’s literally a book called “parenting the strong willed child” that I got when my daughter was a toddler. It was very helpful and discussed the importance of being consistent with disciple with behavior challenges. It’s not all about discipline though, it’s explains the different ways we as parents can be “attending” to our children and how to interact positively with them so they feel more seen, connected to and validated each day. ❤️