Health Visitors!

Need a good rant SORRY but does anyone else feel like HV's seek joy by trying to make you feel like a bad parent or is it just me!? 🫠

I took my son to the HV drop in clinic to query something about his skin, they weighed him whilst he was there, plotted it on a graph and said that he hasn't put on enough weight and that they want to refer me to a feeding specialist, essentially, what I am doing is not good enough and he's withering away

This is my second breast fed child, and the HV's should know more than anyone that ALL children develop differently!?

He turned 3 months old last week, he is quite clearly happy and healthy and fed on demand whenever the heck he wants some din din

I ALWAYS come away from HV's pissed off for whatever reason

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Honestly I hate my health visitor. My son has a suspected milk allergy like my first born and when I mentioned it to her she said there is no correlation between siblings having a milk allergy which yeah fair enough there might not be but even my midwife agreed with before she discharged us.

So instead of helping me get the right milk and diagnosis for him her favourite answer is “Oh it’s just reflux.” Which I know for a fact isn’t as we have tried everything we can for reflux and none of it’s helped. Been doctors last week who agreed with me and were waiting to see the paediatricians and dietitians after having a referral done by the doctor x

aww he looks so healthy and happy bless him!🥹 the last time i had my health visitor out my son was hungry and she wanted to weigh him and measure him before his feed, he was not happy about being hungry and naked so when he finally got his bottle he gulped it down. she kept speaking to me and before i knew it the bottle was finished and i hadn’t had the chance to burp him half way through so when he burped which was a big one he ended up taking up the whole bottle which he’s never done and hasn’t done since but she proceeded to tell me, a new first time mum if he does it again to let her know as he may have something wrong with his stomach and need surgery! i’m sorry pardon?? she had me panicked but i knew deep down it was because he was so hungry and drank it so fast. she made me feel horrible for it

If you don’t mind me asking, how much does he weigh?

At the start of my breast feeding journey with my 14 week old, I was told they go by formula fed babies (guessing most women choose formula in my area I’m not sure) but because my baby lost 8.1% of his birth weight, and gained but then dropped another two times after, I was referred to the feeding team as he was also thought he could be tongue tied. At the feeding appointment, he was weighed and gained weight and then he was seen for prolonged jaundice where he was weighed again and luckily gained it. By 10 weeks I think, he was weighing 11lbs. I was told to eat things with oats in too like hobnobs, porridge, nuts and flapjack as they’re really good for breast feeding, I was even told to eat at night but I couldn’t think of anything worse😅

I do think it’s the HV that are older that tend to be the ones to put downers on the mums rather than the younger HV for some reason. They also talk to you like you’ve not had a baby before x

I had a HV say my son was ‘fat’ and needed to put him on a diet because he was on the 98th percentile but failed to acknowledge that he was in the 99th percentile for height meaning his weight was perfectly fine and if he was in the usual percentile for weight he would have been underweight. I have yet to meet a HV that I like.

I often feel Some HV ideologies are personally influenced rather than clinically approved. I quite enjoy telling then no you are an educated professional yes but I am most educated when it comes to my child.

I was told to wake my child every 2 hours to feed them......nope I feed on demand and my child signals when they are hungry 😑

co sleeping was another thing which I refused to refrain from.

follow your gut and instinct just like Google you have to sift for relevant info.

I find the older HV are worse.

My 7 month is 4th percentile for weight; started on 75th percentile, he is happy and healthy. He feds every 3-4 hours (EBF) and is content after the feeds. Everytime I see the HV at the drop in clinic they tell me I'm not giving him enough and I need to formula feed. I go to a feeding clinic with midwives due to the HV making me feel like I was not enough. They tell me he is absolutely fine, he is putting on weight, weeing and pooing fine and is content. Even the midwives turned their nose up at the HV.

Everyone’s health visitor seems really concerned about their babies weights whilst the 2 I’ve seen couldn’t care less 🙈 the first one was really nice but her priority was for me to go to baby groups that were 3 miles away when I don’t drive and didn’t particularly want to go to. The second one was when my LG was 3 months old and hadn’t been taking bottles for 3 weeks and I said I was quite concerned about her not eating enough and she just went on about weaning but emphasised not to wean until she’s 6 months old. I was like great, I won’t, can we address her not eating right now but nah

My little girl is 4 months old and was born early due to being small below the 3rd percentile and my latest HV came to weigh her and emphasised not weaning until 6 months then weighed her and plotted on her chart and then told me she’d jumped up 2 centiles in 3 months and they don’t want her going up anymore so when I questioned her and said well what happens if she does she went “ah I don’t really know tbh” like surely they want her to go up centiles as she was born when she was because she was not meeting the centiles but she’s coming back on Thursday to reweigh her because she wasn’t happy 🤯🤯

He looks perfect

I honestly don’t know what the NHS staff’s obsession is with pumping babies with weight like their chickens! My baby was born preemie so the guys tried to tell us to give him a fortifier in addition to his breast milk so he “puts on weight quicker” which was awful because he hated the fortifier. It blatantly upset his tummy. I’m sorry you feel awful after speaking to the HVs. You baby is gorgeous and looks fine ❤️

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.