i’m a mess and have no idea what i’m doing

my husband works and im a stay at home mom. my husband works very hard to support our family. im 20 weeks pregnant, and the cost of putting my daughter in daycare would make my working pretty much pointless. that’s why im not working. but idk. i guess im more just venting atp. we barley even have the money to afford out day to day life and we dont go out on dates, we dont buy unnecessary items or things like that. we live in a 2 bedroom apartment but my husbands mom still kind of lives in the other bedroom. she refuses to move out for some reason even though she basically lives with her boyfriend anyway. so it’s me, my husband, and our 2 toddlers all in 1 room AND we have a baby on the way. even if my MIL moved out, this apartment isn’t big enough and my husband doesn’t make enough money. we didn’t mean to get pregnant it just happened, i never would’ve planned for this knowing how our financial situation is. idk im just really stressed out and i feel so bad for my husband. he’s paying like $800 of his paycheck for insurance for my daughter and i. it would be really helpful if we just didn’t have the insurance and we could use that money. but then my daughter and i wouldn’t have insurance. he would, and so would his son. and i feel like if i did that i’d be failing my daughter a little bit. but if i get her on gov insurance they’d go after my baby daddy for money which would result in a paternity test, him being on her birth certificate, and a custody agreement which i don’t want. i just don’t know what to do, any advice would help.

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fighting resentment

I love my husband so much but when I am breastfeeding at all hours of the night and i look over to see him sleeping i cant help but feel pangs of resentment. He works full time and I’m a SAHM so i literally WANT him to get his sleep, i choose not to wake him up for diaper changes or anything because he works hard outside all day and he needs to rest. Even so, illogically my brain just gets frustrated to see him sleeping when im waking up 3-7 times a night to bf.

Ive never liked or wanted kids and did not plan or want to get pregnant, so even though i love my baby i think when im so exhausted caring for the baby its also making me resentful. Everytime he says he is so tired i just want to drop kick him.
How do i manage this? or can you just tell me im not alone in it.
I really feel like he doesnt grasp how much work breastfeeding at night is and how exhausted it makes me.

Would you be upset?

So I have been feeling upset today for a few reasons.

1 I asked my siblings, I have 3. Lets call them A, B and C, if we were doing anything for Easter this weekend. A, never responded, B said he had to get through the work week first and C said she didn't know what her little family was doing yet, so no idea.

I said ok, let me know and told them that my little family was away most of the weekend visiting my partners family but would be free on Monday.

Found out on wednesday that B had organised for our parents to go over on Thursday for a movie night and today, after I asked that he and his wife will be out tomorrow but will visit our parenrs on Monday. So he is capapble of organising things, just not with me.

Found out, alao today, also after I asked, from A that she and our parents are going to visit C, her partner and their 8 month old.

So I am upset and angry that noone communicated with me and I had to follow up to get answers.

It's bringing up other issues we have had. Like Christmas 2024, my kiddo was in hospital so we missed Christmas with my family and then my SIL posted photos captioned "family photo" to our fanily group chat (can't remember if she posted to social media) but have taken "family photos" exactly twice before that (once at my Dad's 70th the month before and the other at my brother and SIL's wedding. She was the first to join our family and had been in our lives for 6 years at that point. We haven't taken "family photos" since, despite adding a member, when my niece was born, I was really hurt by that.

2. I am upset with my partner because we are at his Dad's and I have put the dishwasher on twice (he helped once) and a load of washing (he hung it out) and he aaked me to organise our kids dinner, meaning search his Dad's fridge or pantry. I just gace him toast. He also basically told me to put another load of washing on after our kiddo pooped his pants and then turned the bathroom light off, while I was still in there, and walked away.

I absolutely don't mind pulling my weight at his Dad's but it feels like he follows my lead and does the things I have started a lot of the time.

I also would never expect him to rifle through my parents fridge or pantry.

His Dad is super cool and I know I am welcome too, it just feela uncomfy.

3. Our SIL (on my partners side), we'll call her P, is the one who pafticipates in the group chats and her husband, my partners brother isn't even in the chat and is notoriously unreliable in terms of reaponding to or answering calls or texts. So it goes through P. Anyway I feel like there is always an excuse for them not to hang out and my son barely sees them and his cousins. As a result he is obviously closer to the two he does see and it's noticeable.

They aren't free at all this weekend, except tomorrow when we are all catching up and they aren't free next weekend. They weren't free for a city date in January and constantly have thinks on; dance, soccer, parties etc. Never available for quick catch ups either. They live a few streets over from my partners Dad but it's impossible to see them and I am ready to give up. They remind me of my aunt and uncle and I have minimal contact. Never call or text, see them once a year and at special events. I have zero relationship with my cousins. I haven't actually seen my aunt and uncle since 2023 and can't remember the last time I saw the older of my 2 cousins.

I hate that my son is going through what I did.

Anyway, it's been a down day.

Am I a bad mom or is this normal….what can I do I need advice

Okay so I don’t know if this is my fault but my 17 month old son as much as I love him has been a little terrorist lately like not 100% of the time but enough for me to be a bit concerned like he’s been hitting throwing toys pulling hair screaming in my face and full blown tantrums and just plainly being mean acting like a bully and he used to listen when I would redirect him or tell him to stop but the defiance has been so real the past few days he will laugh in my face when I tell him no about something and then continue to do it I’m currently pregnant with my second and I’m due in mid May so getting up and chasing him has been a lot harder is anyone else experiencing this or has experienced this because I’m starting to feel like I’m a bad mother or that it’s my fault…

Solids 🥣🤍🙂‍↔️

Which food did your baby try first? I’m thinking about doing all vegetables first. Or should I do every other day? Let me know what you ladies did! My baby is 4 months + 1 week and just started plain oatmeal with breast milk yesterday 🥰 I’m so excited to let him try flavors soon!

Full time job

My partner works all week and he works quite a physical job.He does come home and help ish but i always have to ask and i feel like he has to make a face first and then he’ll still do it.He doesn’t wake up on the weekend and i feel bad to wake him up cause he is worked but i am so tired even tho our little girl doesn’t wake up during the nights anymore.He still does his hobbies like fishing and gym and i feel like i’m just stranded 24/7 .

Just need to rant.. am I being unreasonable

When my partner helps with our toddler I just feel like it creates more work.
He agreed to feed her breakfast.. she feeds herself but wheatabix is still messy. He doesn't clean the high chair, Wipe the tablecloth or rinse/clean the dishes. Just leaves them all on the kitchen table.
He changes her out of her Pjs.. just leaves Pj's on the floor outside the washing machine.
He changes her nappy.. throws the nappy in the kitchen doesn't bother putting it in the bin.
'Watches' our toddler play. Doesn't interact with her or help her language development. Just sits on his phone and occasionally shouts at the dog.
I'm sick of it. When he'd done with breakfast he says 'I'm going to go have a shower'. I said there's no towels as they're all in the wash and need drying. "I'll manage"
I asked can't you just put the towels in the dryer and wait while I finish getting ready? (I already showered)

I'm 35 weeks pregnant, had about 2 hrs sleep and he's had 12.
I'm not sure what the point of this post is but I just needed to write it down because I'm tearful and hormonal. 🥺