Why?
Sorry this is somewhat long, but I feel I need other input.
I’m currently in a relationship to the father of both my kids (3 and 1 years old) we have been together going on 5 years in October. We haven’t been doing so hot since I got pregnant with my second kiddo. We fight and we argue to the point I’m so angry I want to fight him. He doesn’t understand what I’m going through and acts like he does. I tell him how I feel and he tells me “you don’t feel that way” and acts like I’m making things up.
When I found out, I was pregnant with my second child we had just barely gotten back together after a very ugly separation. I put him in jail because I was in fear of mine and my child lives. I have stayed because I thought things would get better, and I can’t imagine my life any different than it is now.
I have been struggling to find the courage to stand up to him and leave. But it’s hard to think of how much my life will change.
We got in a fight today, like any other fight, it usually ends with him leaving. But today I tried to leave first, I tried to step away from the situation because I felt like I was not wanted anymore. He goes outside gets in his truck and says “you’re not leaving like this. I’m not gonna be stuck with the kids”. You’re not stuck with the kids. You’re their parent as well!
He’s out barhopping, while I’m at home taking care of our children. He’s having fun while I do the same thing. I do every single day all day. I don’t go anywhere unless I’m taking my kids with me, I don’t see my friends because everybody is off putt by my spouse. Most people know he’ll say no to me going out, and that just hurts.
I have a way out, I have my own vehicle, all I have to do is get a job and find a daycare. Why does it sound so easy but feel so difficult. Let alone how am I supposed to ever trust anybody again? All that trusting has gotten me is hurt.
He’s a mental, emotional, and financial abuser. Did yall even know financial abuse was a thing!? Baffles me how you can give a man everything he could ever want, and he just travels all over you like your floor mat. Not to mention the amount of times he’s coaxed me to have sex with him after I’ve told him I don’t want to.
How do I get through this and let go and leave? I know it’s better than being here stuck in a revolving door of bullshit. I want better for my kids.
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I’m very sorry you experiencing this. It’s clear that you two should seek wise counsel and want better for each other and yourselves.
You said you have a way out, are you implying there is somewhere else for you and the kids to live until you find a job and daycare? Also could he find elsewhere to live while you and the kids stay home?
Perhaps you need to re—regulate and destress from this by giving space for yourself.
Change is always scary because it’s the unknown. You are trauma bonded to him. If you’re doing all the work now, see it this way, what will be different ? You’d most probably find it much easier once you’ve left! You’d know where you’re at and what needs to be done. With me and my baby dad, I thought to myself; do I want my son to grow up thinking his behaviour is normal? Do I want his behaviour reflecting on him and patterns are carried? And id recommend you to really think about it in that way as it helps you leave a lot more. You’ve got your own vehicle, please ring around for help and advice and pack yours and your children’s items and leave, you can even do this when he’s out bar hopping to save any conflict from him. You don’t want to be wasting another 5 years of your life in the same cycle when you could be thriving and a happy mum with your children, having peace and most importantly finding someone who will love you and your kids correctly x
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