Almost 3 years of loneliness
I wonder if any experienced mamas can give any advice.
My little boy is almost 3, and I've suffered from being lonely since he was born really.
My family and my husband's family live very far from us, and my family are not very dedicated or committed, so I rarely get to spend much time with them. My husband's family we see 1 or 2 times per year due to distance. My husband's job is very long hours and he's at work most of the time.
I feel that I've followed all the advice I can and yet I'm still spending the vast majority of my time alone with my little boy. I have made a few friends, but people have their own lives and families so seeing friends maybe only happens once or twice per week maximum for a couple of hours, and sometimes I can go for weeks without seeing these friends. My pre-baby friends are none existent now. I take my little boy out every day for multiple hours to parks or play groups, just so we're not alone in the house. But I find even this is becoming such an effort now, because I just feel so lonely.
I keep thinking about returning to work just for some adult company, but then I think that's unfair on my child and selfish of me as he'd have to go to nursery for long hours.
It really feels hard on weekends when we're alone and we go out and everyone is out with families and friends, and we don't have that.
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I’ve also felt lonely for a very long time. I’m a SAHM but due to current circumstances my kids are both going to daycare because I can’t physically take care of them the entire day. So for them the best option was daycare even though I’m not working. They absolutely love it. They get to socialize with kids their age all day mon-fri and the schedule is rigid enough to provide predictability and comfort without being so rigid that it causes anxiety. My daughter is in prek and my son is in discovery twos. They cry a little at drop off but when I get the pictures from the daycare starting maybe five minutes after separation from me they are already running around with huge smiles on their faces. I desperately want adult contact but due to my disabilities I’m unable to work and make that quick fix for my loneliness. I hardly leave my house unless it’s to drop off or pick up my kids or go to a drs appointment since I am a wheelchair user that can briefly use a walker each day it’s hard.
But putting your child in nursery or daycare is not selfish. You’re filling both your guys needs for age appropriate socialization if you go back to work and he gets enrolled he’ll be placed in a class based on his age and he will blossom and learn soo much. My newly two year old is singing his alphabet and counting to 20 because the daycare taught him that. They come home each week with new skills and I’m so proud of their growth. And I know I wouldn’t have been able to sit there and teach them everything they’ve learned because some of it I wouldn’t have even thought to teach!
A hobby might help?? I was a bit “bored” of my life in amongst all the mum duties I needed something for me to get out of the house twice a week, from 4m-18m PP that was Pilates and Zumba twice a week I did that for a year, and then free salsa lessons came up on my IG feed one day and I told hubby I wanted to go that Friday I loved it so much I replaced it w my other ones and stopped going to the Pilates/Zumba and switched to something else I’ve wanted to do for so long, I’ve been doing that for 3yrs now it keeps me fit helps my steps I get to meet so many people make new friends and learn a new skill, I’m still learning and it’s become my social fife now as I have somewhere to dress up and go to every Friday night. Perhaps find a hobby that you’ll be surrounded by people and feel less lonely. Maybe it’s the type of mums I hang out with but every mum I know has her own hobby, bestie goes poker and my other friend goes tai kwon do, one girl goes to photography group every Sat.
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