Friendships in motherhood
Wondering if others are experiencing this too.
A group of us have been friends for 10 years or so. In our 30-40s. Now we all have kids or expecting, roughly the same age. We all live far from family. Seemed like the kids were going to grow up together. Be each others village. But no.
Parenting approaches are wildly different for us all, We judge each other, some silently and others very openly. The kids don't get on and I don't want to force my daughter into a friendship where someone is just nasty to her. There is a lot of competition which is draining my energy - whose kid is a good eater, whose kid has more activities, who spends more time with their kids and go on more expensive holidays, an so on. I continued to work, they tell me I am missing on the best years. I now can afford to stay home (second kid and other circumstances changed), they told me I will hate being a stay at home mum - "it's not as easy as it looks".
I have decided to distance myself as it is totally toxic environment and I don't need these friendships, but is this common? I feel like I am grieving relationships I never even had in the first place if that makes sense.
Losing yourself
I’ve lost myself while trying to build the family of my dreams. I’ve realized that whatever I was working on, it was just an illusion, a distant dream that I had…a little girl’s fantasy.
Maybe it’s the fact that I grew up without a family, that I’ve always felt that urge to make my own. For that reason, I’ve let things go for so long, I’ve lost myself.
I was so hell bent on everything being perfect, that I’ve exhausted myself doing and carrying everything for someone who never even lifted a little finger. This was his dream family. I was actually in the wrong dream. I’ve lost my way.
I am a builder, I’ve always felt the need to work, advance, better myself. Maybe that’s why I didn’t see I was already on my own for a long time.
I am tired, I am lost.
But I have you. And for that, I will be forever grateful.