Friendships in motherhood
Wondering if others are experiencing this too.
A group of us have been friends for 10 years or so. In our 30-40s. Now we all have kids or expecting, roughly the same age. We all live far from family. Seemed like the kids were going to grow up together. Be each others village. But no.
Parenting approaches are wildly different for us all, We judge each other, some silently and others very openly. The kids don't get on and I don't want to force my daughter into a friendship where someone is just nasty to her. There is a lot of competition which is draining my energy - whose kid is a good eater, whose kid has more activities, who spends more time with their kids and go on more expensive holidays, an so on. I continued to work, they tell me I am missing on the best years. I now can afford to stay home (second kid and other circumstances changed), they told me I will hate being a stay at home mum - "it's not as easy as it looks".
I have decided to distance myself as it is totally toxic environment and I don't need these friendships, but is this common? I feel like I am grieving relationships I never even had in the first place if that makes sense.
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Hi I can relate, but instead of with friends it’s with my 2 sisters. We have different approaches to parenting. A lot judgmental comments - “ I did it this way”. “That was easy for me”. Blah blah. It’s made me distance myself from them because I don’t really enjoy being around them. I know some of the comments are their own insecurities speaking
Yes very disappointing. Because it’s not always like this. My best friend (who unfortunately lives in a different country) has the same set up, c 6-8 families, and they are a proper community. For example when one family has a new baby, the other families will make a roster for 6 weeks of who will bring lunch and dinner!! They try to get their kids in the same classes. They drop by for quick chats. They organise t togethers etc. Obviously that takes an effort from everyone, but isn’t it nice?
My problem was a bit different, I had kids later than most friends and it seemed they had forgotten how hard postpartum was so I had virtually no support. So yes it can be different, and it’s fine to look for new people that are more like your people
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