I think my partners boundaries are too strictā¦
My partner has a difficult relationship with his family, I think his parents are lovely people but I can see where he gets frustrated with them. They are far from perfect but I think they mean well.
His older brother still lives at home and unfortunately has a habit of using weed and coke. Heāll smoke outside but do coke in his room and obviously drugs are kept there too.
The parents know this but have not tried to help him or get the drugs out the house. The brother has no intention of moving out either.
Because of this, my partner feels strongly that our child should never enter that house. The child would never be in the same room as the drugs but my partner feels that on principle, we should never take the baby there.
While I do not agree with his brotherās habit and the safety of my baby is the most important thing, I think he may be being too harsh.
I wouldnāt feel comfortable leaving there baby there without one of us but surely never going over is a bit far. Iām worried it would ruin the relationship between our families.
Of course his parents would be welcome at our house so itās not like access is being denied, just not in their home.
Is my partner being too harsh or am I not concerned enough?
I think my partner is just using the baby not coming over as a threat to get his parents to do something about the drugs.
Husband is turning incredibly misogynistic
My husband was always so supportive and believed in women, but now heās hanging out some new coworkers who watch a lot of these YouTubers with problematic views. Heās starting to really buy into what they say, and a lot of them are incredibly misogynistic. It started with offhanded comments about how women are always the problem, and leave it to a woman to fuck things up, which would start fights between us because I was so taken aback. As we fight more, he pushes more into these beliefs. Weāve always shared things like chores and parenting, but now itās falling 100% on me because he believes they are āwoman jobsā and I canāt keep up with the extra house work on top of my job. If I ask him to watch the kids for even 30 minutes, he calls it ābabysitting,ā and he makes it sound like that 30 minutes is the end of the world, where now I have my mom filling in for his portions that I canāt take on. He mocks my friends and says horrible things about them based on female stereotypes, that arenāt even true, and I have repeatedly put him in his place about this. Iāve also expressed to him that Iām loosing faith in his ability to be a part of our family when we are raising 4 little girls with bright futures, and I donāt want them to hear these comments that essentially resort women to objects. Heās constantly asking for a one sided open relationship, because these YouTubers preach that men arenāt meant to stay loyal, and itās just their nature or something. His actual friends, who heās known way longer than these new friends, have also distanced themselves because of his comments about their wives/girlfriends, but he blames me for the distance and says itās because he gave me too much control in our relationship so they canāt respect him as a man.
Today he wanted to go to the bar with these coworkers after work, but the place they always go is closed. This bar is a 100% female ran bar, and they are closed today because the owner sent them all out of town for a professional development opportunity. My boyfriend was pissed and flipped out about how women ruined his day, and said if they wanted to send someone they couldāve just sent one, but he just knows they all whined and cried that they wanted to go too, like a typical woman. He then got very performative with a fake whining voice that frankly PISSED me off. Iāve never backed down when he acts like this, but he continues to buy into these believes.I told him these new āfriendsā of his and their influence are about to cost him his family, but he just scoffs. I told him Iām tired of the misogyny, and he can go stay with one of them tonight and see how much better life is without any women in it. I told him he doesnāt need yo ask for an open relationship now, because ours is over, and I hope he has fun sleeping around because it cost him everything weāve spent the last ten years building together. He says Iām just being a typical dramatic woman, and that I need to just learn my place. He says itās his fault for not learning to put me in my place sooner. Planning to contact a divorce lawyer this weekend, once Iāve cooled off from being so angry. But emotionally, Iām not okay. I feel like this man is a stranger.
