Disobedience

Hi just wondering if it’s normal and how do you deal with kid being naughty. A friend of mine is staying with us and says my daughter was trying to draw on the sofa covers and blankets with felt tip pens. She told her not to, but she still did it, looking her in the eye grinning. She kept trying to do it again. So she said she will tell me and took it away. My daughter was not scared, she said like yeah you try to tell my mummy.. she’s MY mummy! I’d be angry, shout, tempted to smack her bum.. tell her she won’t get no Easter egg if she’s naughty. My husband uses threats he’ll throw away her toy. I know it’s not ideal. We are old school.. raised up with punishment.
We try to explain reasons (I do) why we can’t do it. How is anyone else dealing with discipline? It is ok to expect her to behave at this age? What do do when testing boundaries? She’s usually not too bad with me.. I’m just not made to be nice smiley patient Montessori lady 😅🤪🫣

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Anger, shouting, smackimg, and vague & unrelated threats are unfortunately all proven to have adverse effects and will encourage your child to be naughtier. They test boundaries at this age so they know their parent is stable and actually able to teach and guide them so any reaction other than rationality and stability will show them not to trust your authority over time. Best thing to do is remain totally calm, zero emotion (if possible i know its hard) and give one firm warning with a clear consequence you can immediately enact if she doesnt listen. In this case it would be “you draw on paper only or I will take away your pens”. The second she doesnt listen: no smacks, no yelling, no second warning, you take the pens away, remind her of what you said and then you move on. She will probably cry and I comfort my kids when they cry after a consequence cause I know they dont quite understand enough to be reasoned with yet.

Our little boy is the same (doing something naught whilst looking you in the eye and grinning). Ours is non-verbal but we feel he understands boundaries. We tell him to stop, explain that the item will be taken away if he continues and then take it away if he doesnt stop. We also use RAID- ignoring negative behaviour and reinforcing the positive behaviours. If you give them your attention for bad behaviour then they will keep doing it because they want your attention, so giving them more attention for good behaviour should encourage more good behaviour. 🙂

I think boundary testing is totally normal for this age group but you do have to provide natural consequences for reasonable boundaries.
For example in the scenario given I’d have given one warning, if ignored the pens would be taken away.
Sometimes my son throws things, if he does after we’ve asked him to stop it’s taken away. We do this in a neutral and calm way and try to avoid giving any extra attention.
When they are calm I will try and explain why they lost the privilege of that toy/item.

in our community

How would you react ?

Today was my husband's day off and he woke up around 6 having coffee in bed and was on his phone. . At 7 a.m my little boy woke up and asked to go pee then at 7:30 asked to eat. I then took him and went downstairs to make breakfast and he got so frustrated and started an argument that on his day off he can't relax. I must say he was not sleeping, he was just staring at his phone and now he ignores my child and me.

2 weeks

I finally got my own apartment and left my husband 2 weeks ago today. Im honestly surprised how civil he's been. But I knew that he'd be with other women immediately, and I thought I was okay with that. The fact that he's still even with nothing to lose because I left, lying to me about being at another house is driving me crazy. I have his location and drove by there the other day so I know. Its. It healthy for me to concern myself with I know. But I cant handle the quickness and the lies. I know this is how he copes, he cant be alone and probably why hes being so nice after I left.

Spouse going to be away for work for half the week for most of this month maybe more .. any tips for me? Details below

So my husband is going to be working away from home and staying in a hotel for about half the week every week this month and possibly longer. This is entirely new to us. My son is 3 and has never experienced his dad being gone for that long. I don’t think he will be entirely devastated honestly because I’m the preferred parent but I still expect some challenges. Some things to consider: I do have some family in the area, I don’t drive and the grocery store in walking distance is expensive lol. So we plan on making sure I have a good grocery stock and can ask for help if I need it I guess for during the day .. but any other tips? I can’t shake the feeling that I’m missing something I should be preparing to make it easier in advance ..

help

I have two kids and I’m just fed up, years of physical and mentally abuse and the constant cheating my kids deserve better. my kids can’t goto school yet and I don’t trust local daycares. how do I still work my part time with little to no family ?

Advise!!!

Ok so this Easter Dad is supposed to have 5 nights with our 2yo (court ordered) I’m fine with it. I think our child will struggle as they already struggle with a 2 night stay, but it’s ordered so it has to happen. There is no mention in the order that these are in addition to his regular contact it just says the child will stay with the father for 5 nights at Easter, there was a conversation in court about it only been 5 as it was to build up the nights gradually.

He is now trying to tag it to his weekend meaning he will have 6/7 nights. I don’t agree with this as like I say 2 nights are hard for the child’s it is so 5 is going to be hard and I don’t want to add to it.

My solicitor has said until he agrees I should not let him have her. I agree and I don’t want to give into him as he is very much all about control and abusing me not doing what is right for the child but I am also conscious that the child then misses out on a little holiday away with his family all for the sake of 1/2 nights. It seems so silly.

What’s your thoughts and advice??

If you’re not close to your mom - what went wrong?

Now that I have kids I want a strong and close relationship with my babies. Something I didn’t have with my mom and still don’t.

My mom and I see each other once or twice a year and that’s if I go there to visit her. We don’t talk on the phone unless she wants to call me to ask my younger sisters to go back home.

Never comes over to see my 3 kids never calls to check on them avoids me when she sees me out with my family.

When I was a teen we argued non stop. For years until I left the house. But before that I was always the good child always listened always did what she asked. I was the oldest so did everything for her went above and beyond. I bought up my younger sisters stayed up late nights fed them changed nappies bath them took them out on weekends. My sisters don’t remember her doing any of these things because she never did them. And now she hates them staying at my house she calls non stop.

She’s manipulative and twists things a lot. I have other siblings and she pits us against each other without us realising. Only now as an adult I’m picking up on things and how she manipulates around things.