I deserve better right?
No judgement. No mean comments please. Guess i’m just venting and looking for support.
My baby is a couple months old and i recently found out im pregnant. I’m getting an abortion. I kind of already mourned that. I have been ok for the last couple of days but the procedure is tomorrow. So i’m sure those bad feelings will come up again tomorrow and the days to come. I’m not looking to change my mind about this procedure. I was hopeful with my first baby. But after pregnancy and postpartum, my boyfriend has gotten progressively worse. Mean, controlling, stubborn, closed minded, lack of support and care. He thinks going to work should be the extent of his contribution to our family. He wants me to have this new baby in pregnant with, of course. Explaining to him that I feel like our relationship is not in the right place and hasn’t been the last year. I know guys. I should’ve protected myself better to avoid this. He said he would support whatever i decide but wants me to have the baby obviously. Hes cold, distant. Barely speaks to me. Treats me with no respect. ETC. I’m so upset that he can’t even support me in getting this abortion that hurts me to get but I feel like there’s no other way for me. I can’t take on 2 babies by myself. I wouldn’t be a good mother, emotionally. I wouldn’t show up the way i’d want to because i’d be a mess emotionally. Haven’t had any emotional support or much help with the baby “because he needs to rest” and his argument is also that if i don’t ask he’s not doing anything. Im trying to finish a masters degree and become a professional in my field. If i have this baby im setting my career back until they’re both in kindergarten.
Can’t kick him out. Can’t go anywhere else. Stuck exactly where i’m at. Tolerating his attitude and distance. We went to couples therapy for the first time the other day. I can imagine the therapist was like holy shit afterwards. I keep going in circles of I don’t want this to be the relationship my baby sees growing up. To, feeling sad when i picture him without us, alone and lonely. To feeling like fuck this shit, better off alone, basically have been doing it alone either way. To feeling sad again that this is how he shows up for us and that I wish it was different. Thinking to myself is there anything I can do to make it better but I feel like even if I was the picture perfect partner I think he’d still be an asshole. Just circles I keep going in. He’s said some awful things. From calling me a murderer to saying that he has authority over me that it’s God him then me in that hierarchy order. Quoting the bible when he sees fit. He’s not even that religious he just follows what is convenient. Ignoring the part I guess where the bible says that he should treat his “wife” (not married lol what a joke). like jesus treated the church. It’s just a whole lot of nonsense (I’m not religious either).
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I’m sorry you are going through this *hugs*
As someone who's had an abortion, I can't stress enough that you should do what you want. Don't make a decision based on anyone else. Don't do it just if you're worried he won't help, or if you're worried it will set you back. If you want that baby then keep it. It seems like you've made up your mind, though my advice is to do it for you. It's a hard decision to make, and hormones or pressure from others don't make it easier. Even if you are dead set on doing it, you will still feel some type of way because it's a hard thing to go through. There have been a lot of women in that same position if not similar, so you are not alone. You are not a bad person, whatever you decide to do.
It sounds like he is really abusive. Hopefully you are able to leave that situation, or even just fix the problems and work on your relationship. Babies are blessings, so even if the father is absolutely dense, treasure your children.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It does get easier though.
Vent away mama. I don’t think you’ll get the answers you’re seeking here, but just know you’re not alone. I’m in the same boat as far as he thinks because he’s the only one working, he’s entitled to not care for the baby. Not keeping in mind that we, as mothers, don’t get to “clock out.” My partner also doesn’t help unless asked, and when asked, I’m now nagging. Can’t win. I feel stuck because my family lives in another state. They keep telling me to go back home, but because of the baby, I now can’t. Or it would be difficult to. He already threatened me with taking me to court because I brought up wanting to go home for a few months for my mental health.
Listen… at the end of the day, your body, your decision. He can quote the bible at his convenience all he wants. Let it go in one ear and out the other. You’re doing what you feel is best for you and your baby. Finish your degree, focus on your well being, focus on your baby. I know it difficult living in that environment but…
I have a lot to say but don’t think it’s okay to, your doing great. I’m proud of you. And if its not your skin it’s not your business ( meaning him ) he obviously got you pregnant with no consequences to what pregnancy leads too. You know why you can handle. Keep your field do whatever you need to , start planning an escape: you will be unhappy for the rest of your life if you stay with him. Especially just that’s what you will teach your baby either girl or boy you will teach them this is how men treat women or how women should be treated by men .
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