Don’t be this friend

I need to vent! I made lunch plans with a childless (important I think) friend, drove 35 min away with a toddler only for them to cancel last min. No worries I adjusted and had fun with my toddler. I get home from the day and the same friend asked if they could come by my house to say hi instead. They came that evening, I had only about two hours notice. Two hours where I took care of my kid, made dinner, ate dinner, finished laundry from that morning, cleaned up toddlers toys and vacuumed. I tried my best last minute to get the house “presentable”. We are not dirty people, but I also wasn’t prepared to host visitors so our house was very “lived in”. Including the dishes from the last 3-4 MEALS in my sink. We hadn’t emptied the dishwasher yet, but all the dishes in the sink were rinsed and ready to be loaded. You know how it is sometimes, in order to stay on top of everything, sometimes one chore sits on the back burner. We didn’t do the dishes last night, and I hadn’t gotten to them yet today.
Point is, it wasn’t dirty, but maybe maybe messy with the sink of stacked dishes.
I wasn’t feeding them a meal, they were “just popping by”
This person lives alone, no pets, no significant other, no kids. Super strict routine, and a large need for control in their own life.
Their apartment always looks like a staged home to me. Wonderful for them, genuinely so happy for them that they can do that.
I am pregnant, have a three year old, and a husband who works 15 hour days. We manage our best and I think we’re doing pretty dang good for our situation.

This friend of mine was kind during their visit. But when I asked what they did that day they listed their activities they did, but then said “I did my dishes. That was fun. Doing dishes is fun” and then darted their eyes to my sink of dishes and started laughing.
I chuckled and didn’t say anything further. I was happy to see my friend and knew I was probably being too emotional.

But I’m sorry, just don’t be this person. It’s not hard.
I spent over an hour on the road with my toddler that morning to see them, they canceled, then asked with only 2 hours heads up to come to my home so they could see me. But then you outwardly joke about the state of my home?
Maybe I’m being too sensitive. Maybe it’s pregnancy hormones.
But it made me feel terrible and embarrassed just because I fell behind on a chore in my own home.
I would never make a joke like that in someone’s home. If I come to your house, I don’t care what it looks like. I’m not there to judge, I’m there to see my friend.
Inviting yourself to someone’s home after standing them up earlier in the day, to then “jokingly” judging the cleanliness of their home, feels like rude behavior.
But again maybe I’m just too pregnant for this.

Vent over.
If I’m in the wrong please dont hesitate to tell me, but be nice please

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Im sorry i think thats so rude?? 😩😩 she sounds like my worst nightmare as a friend

Hi! I’m 28+2 and I’m feeling very much the same way, but we are allowed too! I feel like I’m taking things quite personally recently but I also think your reaction is justifiable. If they were your friend and could see you aren’t on top of your household jobs. They should offer to help? Thats how I see it and especially because they have no commitments themselves. I think there’s a way of mentioning things like this and she didn’t do it in a very kind way x

Sounds like you're working hard and maintaining a lovely family home.

The friend you've mentioned sounds like they were being cunty, both in cancelling last minute and in making judgy comments.

Probably not a reason to no longer be friends, but worth raising with them about how difficult your day was and how they made you feel.

Your friend wasted your time then criticized you for not having enough time to get to everything. That's so rude.

She could’ve helped you tidy up and do the dishes if she loves doing them so much… I don’t think you’re overreacting at all!

I'd have told her thanks for offering to do mine. 😂

What a bitch sorry 😭😭😭 previously I’ve literally cleaned up my friends dishes and kitchen because I know she struggles with her mental health and when I went over I knew she needed a hand

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