New SAHM having issues relating

I’m having the best time the 1st year of motherhood and I cannot relate to 95% of other moms to the point it’s making it hard for me to make new mom friends. I used to work 60-80 hours in corporate finance so this is the lowest stress I’ve had in years. I basically spend my days outside exercising with my baby and doing a ton of stuff like farmers markets, swim lessons, playgrounds, street festivals, museums, restaurants, baseball games. We are very clean and organized but we live in an apartment so it only takes me about an hour a day and a 2 hour deep clean every Sunday to keep our home together. I’ve worked hard exercising the last few years to lose about 40lbs so I also feel great physically. Many moms I meet instantly ask me if I’m also “lonely at home” or how I feel about new body and I feel like no matter what I say, it makes me sound like an asshole. I really want to encourage them to come outside with me but they immediately say it’s too hard. I think I just need to work harder to find some moms who are doing the same things I am, but I also feel guilt essentially not wanting to be friends with nice people who are having a hard time adjusting. I want to make some new mom friends because I’m also not relating to old my friends because most of them don’t have kids. Is anyone else having this problem?

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I completely relate. Right down to being a retired corporate accountant.
I feel like such a “pick me” when I start getting asked about motherhood and its hardships. 😅 don’t get me wrong, they exist.

Sounds like you had an easy bby with no PPD/PPA. Which is not as common these days. Some of us still struggle with all of it. My bby girl is almost a year and although easier to handle her…PPA/PPD comes in waves. But walking, famers markets, outdoor activity/events does help bunch! Especially now that baby girl doesnt mind them. PPA/PPD is something no woman asks for but sadly some will go through.You were blessed✨may you find the type of mom friends who fit your lifestyle !

I don’t think you should feel bad! When my first was little, I had the opposite problem. She had colic and screamed nonstop for about 6 months. I did not want to be around chill babies.

I made a really good friend because her baby was very hard too and we bonded over that!

I don’t think it’s terrible to want to have a friend who is having the same amount of joy that you are or to want to share hobbies and activities with them. it sounds like you’d rather have another upbeat person as company.
You shouldn’t feel guilty for enjoying your experience. And no one should make you feel like it’s wrong to enjoy yourself. It’s hard to want to befriend people you don’t have any thing in common with and it’s totally okay to just not. You don’t have to be besties with everyone and the fact that you at least try to extend an invitation to whatever you are doing is good enough. Just as it’s “too hard” for them to try to involve themselves in anything it seems it’s just too hard for you to be in the company of misery. Which is also totally acceptable.

Doesn't make you sound like an asshole at all. Motherhood is different for everyone.

Yes I relate! I met my bestie mum at mothers group on a farm outing when the boys were 8m. Scrolling her IG I realised she already takes her kids out nearly every day like I do so it’s easy to invite her to zoo or museum, we met twice a week for years until the boys went to kinder and from there did more girls nights as the boys were in kinder. But I met another mama on peanut which we hung out as a trio…I finally found mums like me who actually like to take the kids out. I think just keep attending mothers groups or baby groups, and you’ll meet her naturally on the scene and easier to invite her or for brunch after the session. A hobby for myself also helps me make friends for girls night but they’re not all mums I meet there just women working and enjoying life. I’ve also lost 44lbs just by taking my baby out walking and hitting 10k! If I scroll her IG and see that she’s always out I know we’ll get along just fine as it means if I invite her anywhere she’ll want to come along.

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Effect on marriage

How has having a baby changed your marriage and the way you treat your husband?

I’m genuinely curious to hear other moms’ experiences because I feel like we don’t talk enough about this side of motherhood.

My husband is honestly amazing. He’s a cardiology fellow, so his schedule is extremely busy, but he still makes an effort to spend time with me, help with the baby, and give me opportunities to rest. I really couldn’t ask for a more supportive husband.

However, since becoming pregnant and having my baby, I feel like I’m not myself anymore. I’m constantly irritable, I snap at my husband over little things, and sometimes I find myself getting annoyed just by his presence, even when he hasn’t done anything wrong. I also feel emotionally disconnected at times, and I feel so guilty because he genuinely tries his best.

I’m currently a SAHM, and I struggle with motivation and productivity, too. Some days, I’ll cook dinner and clean the kitchen, but the rest of the house will be untouched. Even when the baby naps for longer than 30 minutes, I often end up doomscrolling or staring into space instead of resting or getting things done. Then I feel guilty about that, too.

I know having a baby changes your relationship, but sometimes I feel like I’m the one causing all the problems in our marriage because I can’t seem to regulate my emotions the way I used to.

I’d really love honest answers from moms:

* How has your relationship with your husband changed since having kids?
* Have you found yourself being more irritable, resentful, or emotionally distant from your husband, even when he’s supportive and hasn’t done anything wrong?
* Did you go through a period of feeling like you weren’t yourself anymore? If so, did it get better with time?
* How long did it take for things to feel more normal again?

I’m not looking for perfect marriage stories. I genuinely want to hear the honest, messy reality of what this transition has been like for other women, especially those who have supportive husbands but still struggle emotionally.

I think I need some perspective on what other moms have experienced because sometimes it feels like I’m the only one struggling with this.

Would you take away movie night as a consequence for 6 year old?

So every Friday we have movie night but my 6 year old pushed another student at school today and received ISS for it. It was over something so little but my 6 year old (currently being evaluated/tested) struggles with managing her anger and frustration & sometimes acts impulsively.. I’m not excusing her behavior at all and regardless of any diagnosis she may or may not receive, I know that does not take away from the fact that she is not allowed to hurt people because she’s angry.

My question is— would you take away movie night as an at home consequence? I sometimes struggle with discipline because I don’t want to discipline her all day but I also don’t want to discipline too little. She of course received consequences at school by having to be in ISS for the remainder of the day which also meant she missed music class, recess, and the classes shaving cream party at the end of the day.

Also, if you vote no— what kind of home consequence would you have? She’s not a bad kid and typically does not set out to purposely hurt people but also when she is mad, she loses all her reasoning/logic skills.

Why is my husband so fucking loud?

Seriously. I’m upstairs with a door closed. Why the fuck do I hear your spoon clanking on a bowl all the way up here?

🙃🫠

SAHM life

Can we talk about how hard it is to loose financial independence??
Don’t get me wrong I love being a SAHM and I wouldn’t choose going to work over spending time with my baby, being able to raise him and be present in every stage.
BUT
Is really hard for me to depend on someone else financially. I feel like I lost freedom over myself. My boyfriend makes sure I have all that I need, but sometimes I just wanna go have a coffee, or organize a family gathering, IDK many other things that I need to ask him for money to do and if he doesn’t feel like spending money then I’m the one that has to deal with that. I just feel so vulnerable and sad. I wanna be able to get matching pjs for Christmas for us, or to get some cupcakes to celebrate each month for my baby and I CANT. Not without him. Ugh I FEEL CAGED idk if someone else has gone through something like it.

The only thing that keeps me going is that in a few years my baby is going to school and I can go back to my teacher job and do this little things that I’ve been wanting to but still this has been really hard for me.

Mother in law

Does anyone else find their mother in law completely over controlling with their baby?
Mine is doing my absolute head in moaning telling me what I can and can’t do with my baby? I can’t take her out without her knowing about it, I can’t even hold her when she’s around. I’m all for a bit of advice and help but know your place. I’ve spoke to my partner about it and he’s spoke to her but nothings changed. I’m getting so close to snapping but I know it will cause drama within the family 😩

Baby weaning!

Hello FTM here! My boy will be 5 months on the 17th of this month. For the past week he’s been having the cow and gate banana porridge once a day, absolutely devours it. I’m wondering what the next step is in our journey? He had a couple of tastes of purée mango and pear, didn’t hate them but didn’t exactly like them, he only had a couple of spoon fulls before he wasn’t interested anymore, I think the tangy taste shocked him a bit. When we start weaning, our plan was to puree some of our food up for him. When should I start this? We tend to eat a lot of chicken/meat, pastas, potatoes, veg etc. Thank you