Help - in the trenches
Hi all
My baby was born 3 days ago via emergency c section I was 38+5
Me and my partner are in the trenches, we don’t know what we’re doing, and we’re struggling so much
He isn’t supporting me as much as I would like and I fear I have now developed depression.
What we’re struggling with is who has him when and when we both sleep. We try to make a plan but it never happens so for example last night he was going to have him for 3 hours then I was. But by the time I finished helping him (I have no idea what I’m doing I’ve not had a child before) I only had 1.5 hours sleep last night where as he has had almost 4
Every time I speak to him he looks so spaced out and keeps taking everything as an insult. I’m worried that he’s not coping at all. He isn’t listening to me about anything and then proceeds to ‘wing’ everything which is causing us so much issues
I’ve asked him just now to get up so that I can get a couple more hours of sleep in which he has done but when I asked him to hold the baby higher up he just stared at me
I’m at a loss and really don’t know what to do. Midwife came yesterday and helped us a lot, and as a result of that I had my first hour sleep in 3 days. So we are making some progress. I just want to be able to sleep a healthy amount for my body and be able to settle my baby properly
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Day 3 for FTM here too! We have also found it so difficult dealing with little sleep and something brand new, it's not easy. Maybe you can find a time today where you've both slept somewhat and you can really have a good chat about how you are both feeling. Contact your midwife if you feel that you have developed depression. Wishing you the best xx
Congratulations on your new
baby 🩷
Firstly it’s really hard in the early days so please don’t feel you are doing anything wrong.
It will take months to get into a good sleep routine. Even now , my son is 4 and he has always woken during the night 🙈 not every night but it’s very common. He just wants to be with us all the time!
How I coped was just rested where i could even if it’s 30 mins here and there, remember you’re only 3 days in. I breastfed so doing all the feeds and was feeding every 2-3 hours during the day and maybe 3-4 hours overnight. It will get easier. I just rested when I could, naps in the day. Babies sleep ALOT in the first few months. Also worth remembering sleep deprivation is awful & can make you really down & depressed. Everyone feels it I promise you aren’t the only ones. You’ve got this xx
This is completely normal and it does get better. Both your confidence grows and you just find a rhythm that works for you.
Best advice I got first time round is you don’t need to get out of bed for anything. My partner and I would both stay in bed till 11-12 and would just take it in turns getting an hour here or there. Sometimes that meant me sleeping with baby asleep on my chest and him just staying awake to make sure I didn’t do anything dangerous. I EBF for the first 6 weeks so we had a deal that at night he would do all the nappies, just made me feel less resentful and like i wasn’t doing it all. Once I got the swing of things we started to bring in some proper routine and plan times for each to sleep etc. your baby is still figuring things out so likely won’t work on your schedule so just be flexible to babies needs.
My partner found the transition harder than I did and when I say he is the best hands on dad now….
You will figure it out, it just takes time! X
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