Help, or lack thereof

So, just been doom scrolling while my plays quietly on the floor. And I came across a post by a friend of mine, complaining about his parents and in-laws helping out with school pick ups and drop offs as he and his wife have a massive work load atm so their parents are helping them out.

I am sorry, I get zero fecking help. My mum sadly passed away almost 3 years ago. My dad and stepmum live over an hour away, same with my sister, my aunts and my grandparents. They also have all their own lives, kids, grandkids and jobs. My in-laws lives 20 mins drive away, but they look after my granddaughter (my stepdaughter had kids before I had my LO, my SD is 23, GD is 2 and my LO is 9months) my in-laws are also in their 70s and have health issues. My SIL also lives 20mins away and doesn't even message, she did when I was pregnant, but not since my LO was born. My SD na her husband help where they can, but it's every few months when I am at my wits end and ready to snap. We moved house to be closer to my husbands family as they all said they'd help me as my husband works FT as a chef and he is doing everything he can. But so far zero help.
I sound like a bitch, but for once it would be nice for me to be able to do the washing up in 20 mins instead of all day. Or go have my hair cut or be able to have a proper shower, not a quick 5 min job.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

We live 90 minutes away from any family or friends, so help is very limited here too. My parents will have our eldest for a sleep over most school holidays for us, and is having baby next Saturday for the day so we can take our eldest out for his birthday. My brother lives 10 minutes drive from my parents and is constantly relying on them to help look after my nephew. I'm not sure he knows how easy he's got it

All my family live in another country and I don’t have any close friends or family in the UK. From my husband’s side only my MIL and BIW live about 30–40 mins away and the rest of his family are more than 2 hours away. It’s really hard and I often think about how different life would be if I had my family nearby, both emotionally and in terms of support with everything

I can sympathise with you - in laws aren’t far away but only want to see our daughter when it’s convenient for them. Not once were me or my husband asked if we needed any help in the beginning, except for MIL saying in passing ‘let me know if you need a breather’ which came across more like I’ll come and hold the baby because that’s what I want to do and it suits me. Otherwise she just spouted unsolicited advice every time we saw her, and still does. BIL lives 5 doors away and I can count on one hand the number of times that he and his wife have seen our 9 month old. Not once have they offered any help. It’s really frustrating but if they wanted to they would, is just what I keep telling myself. It’s so hard when you need a break and have nobody that really wants to help, but always remember you’re doing an amazing job raising your little one. Be proud of yourself

in our community

Help me pleaseeeeee

I can’t believe I’m writing this but here’s the story - my boyf said he’s invited his mum over this morning as he wants to see her and she wants to see our son who’s now 10 months.

I said cool , I’m recovering from a cold and said he’ll look after me today the best as he could. Which was nice to hear.

Anyway. I didn’t think much of her visit I just got on with my day , rested a bit more and did the never ending laundry after our trip away. I was in and out the kitchen chatting a bit but very low energy.

She then decided to leave at 3:30 but , my boyfriend keeps saying you don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. She said no it’s fine and the starts to cry!!

I could hear her saying no it’s fine please don’t worry I should go. I didn’t know if I should get involved so I just said bye and left them to talk.

When she’s left I’m not having an explosive argument with my BF because it was my fault , she didn’t feel welcomed and felt like she had to leave. I’m here shouting back at him couldn’t believe what I’m hearing. And just baffled with the whole situation.

I text her saying if there as something she wanted to talk about and here she is essay texting me that she knows when she’s not welcomed.

Myself and my bf are not speaking after such an argument , huge tension in the hosue and it’s all her fault. I have no words and I don’t know what to do.

Recommendations

(From UK), please recommend flight snacks. We have a four hour flight to Antalya on Friday with a 18month old.

Purées

My baby won’t be 4 months until October 30th. But I have been letting him taste purées and he loves them. Do you think it’s too soon to let him eat more than a spoon full? He has got great head control and sits in high chair without assistance

Toddler development

My 20 month old doesn’t go to nursery he’s got a friend who’s a few months older than him but does go and I’ve noticed a massive difference.
He can count to 6 and knows his colours. How can I teach my son things like this at home?

MEN

The more I live life, the more I am starting to realize how much I hate men. I am sure there are a handful that are great. But the majority of them are selfish and literally f*cking dumb.
I have to ASK for help? For things no one asks me to do?
If I decide to cook or not do laundry, it won't get done?
I am beyond tired.
The load of responsibility is not close to even.
Remembering to sign up for parent teacher conferences, which child had a physical due, what sporting game is on what day, washing dirty underwear, cleaning the car from constant crumbs at the car wash, scrubbing toilets and tubs, packing the right snacks for the picky child, then remembering to f*cking shower my own body?!
There's a reason why women are opting out of marriage or having less children. There's a reason more women with children are turning gay and being with someone that understands.
The whole political system, the whole f*cking world is SH*T because of MEN!

Weird or normal behaviour?

I’m not sure if I have a right to be upset over this, my baby is almost five months, in this time, his side of the family have been over twice to our house, I got zero messages from his side of the family to me asking how me and baby are doing,
We are kind of expected to travel to them instead, when visiting them, my partners sister had mentioned to my partner about taking our baby out for a walk, it really hurt me cause I’m on mat leave, I hardly leave the house, so why not message me asking if me and my baby want to come out for a walk, to me it’s weird to want to have “alone time” with my baby without me there for “bonding”, especially when my notification have been 0 asking about baby. She’s only 4.5 months old, I just don’t feel like she needs “bonding time” away from her mother.

I’m not saying it all has to be about me, but it hurts cause I had a horrible pregnancy, I almost died during labour with the amount of blood I lost and it’s kinda like ‘well my jobs over’ and tossed to the side. I feel like my baby is being treated like a family dog instead of MY baby.

There has been a few little things that have annoyed me in the past with his sister, and never in a million years would I let my baby go out on a walk without me there, that might be post partum anxiety and I might be called controlling or too protective but I couldn’t care. Last time we were over at their house, the sisters child was jumping around the sofa whilst she was holding my baby and his foot was inches away from my 2 month old babies head at the time and she had said nothing, I just don’t feel like my baby would be safe. Plus her and her boyfriend are constantly shouting and swearing and that’s not the type of environment I’m wanting to leave my baby in.