Am I wrong? Long read….
Backstory on me. I am a mother of 3 kids. My oldest is 2, My middle child is 1, and I have a newborn. I have a friend who has one child who is 7 and autistic.
So my friend is working Monday through Friday from 6 AM to 330pm or 6:30 PM, it’ll take her 45 minutes to get home. Before I had given birth I was OK with watching her child for a while, she would drop her child off in the morning and the bus will come get her and then the bus will drop her off after she get out of school. During this time, my friend has not paid me. She will send her child over to my house without food so her daughter will eat up all my children’s snacks and I literally would not have any money to get food that I barely had, while I was on unpaid maternity leave two months before I have given birth and she knew this. So now that I had given birth, I was in the hospital for three days and she had asked again for me to watch her child. I told her no she got upset and felt some type of way and she had asked why and I told her because I am overstimulated with the new baby in two toddlers then she was “joking” and said well nobody told you to have all those kids and you should’ve gotten an abortion and I got pissed at her she apologize and hasn’t said anything for a week and asked me again to watch her child. I told her a few days out the week she ask again why not the whole week and I told her why and she kept trying to have me watch her child and I said no. Now that I am back at work she’s trying to get my schedule so on my off day, she wants me to watch her child and again She has not paid me at all. My fiancé had noticed while on the phone that I would get overly frustrated when her daughter is here, especially with the two toddlers, she will cry and cry because my kids are crying or took something that was theirs. Of course I’ll tell my kids to share, but then again is theirs and she will cry and we’ll tell them to shut up and sometimes push them and I had to keep reminding her that they are babies. So now that I am back at work I told her no because all my off days I want to relax now she feel some type of way as if her child is a burden. Don’t get me wrong. I love her child, but it’s too much to watch her child with a newborn a two toddlers, who needs me. I already worked 3, 12 hour shifts Monday through Friday and sometimes work the weekends. I just want to relax when I get home and she keeps saying I’m making up excuses no because you’re not in the position that I am in. I’m already suffering from anxiety, depression, and postpartum. I’m overstimulated and overwhelmed and tired. This is not the only thing that she does. She keeps asking me for favors and I’m tired of favors.
Am I wrong? For finally putting my foot down
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You have been more than kind and reasonable! Has she even offered to help you since you had your baby? Friendship should be a 2 way street!
You’re not her nanny, a baby sitting service, or being paid. I don’t even understand how she could think it’s okay for her to ask you that, verbally abuse you, tell you to you should’ve killed your child and still come back asking for help? Ignore that you just had a newborn, add that back and she’s a POS, tbh. She shouldn’t have had a kid if she didn’t want to be responsible for their care 🤷🏼♀️ if she wants to make jerk comments
Hard pass, bye bye. Go mooch off someone else that’s dumber than I
It’s not your kid… you have every right to say no. Not sure why you feel guilty. It is HER kid. If she can’t take care of the child…. Well same thing she said to you (maybe she shouldn’t have had the kid). This is your life. She’s not paying you.
I couldnt finish reading past … nobody told you to have them kids. “No” is a full and complete sentence. You need to use it. It is absolutely ok to have a boundary especially when folks do not even consider u for one second.
To be honest…. Take a screenshot of this post and comments and send to her. She’s not your friend… she is using you.
Don’t even answer her phone calls
This is not a friend, she’s someone you know that abuses your willingness to support someone.
Even when we were barely making ends meet, I still paid anyone watching my kids OR did a swap where I watched their kids as well.
This person is sucking the life out of you and taking you away from your own family.
Kindness comes AFTER boundaries.
What everyone else says ^^
You don’t owe her an explanation. She is exploiting you.
If she responds and gets shitty / abusive block her. Or say no means no.
You're very nearly a saint! I can't imagine doing this kind of favour for a friend on more than the odd occassion. I was way to drained just looking after my own baby - let alone 3! - in the first few months. Even now (my lo is 9 months), although I wouldn't mind doing this kind of this occassionally for a friend in need, this would be asking too much. I do think your friend is asking too much, especially if she's putting pressure on you to do this even though you've explained it's too much! I would ask myself seriously if she's a real friend or just taking advantage.
I find it hilarious that she told you you shouldn’t have so many kids when she clearly struggles to find someone to look after her single child! Such a hypocritical statement to make! You are definitely right to hold your ground. Don’t do it just because she guilts you. Do it only if you want to.
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