Aggressive 3 year old son--recommendations please!!

I don’t have any advice because I’m in the same boat but just wanted to say you’re not alone. I feel like my boy is testing our boundaries every 5 minutes at the moment and is pushing it with absolutely everything. It is so hard. Just trying to stay calm (which I don’t always do) and trying to stay consistent. Exhausting is an understatement!! Three aye 🫠😭

When he hits - calm but firm "we dont hit." "Hitting is not kind". "Its okay to be angry, its not okay to hit" Short sentences. If he hits again - move away. "Im moving away so I am safe." "Im not safe around you when you hit". If he follows you and continues hitting, hold him down. (He won't like this part - mine doesnt😅) "im holding your body until your body is safe. I love you." Then when mine relaxes we have a cuddle.

After hes fully calmed down we talk about it - you was hitting and it hurts. I had to hold your body until it was safe."

Took my child a week or so but after consistency and clear boundaries we rarely get to the holding down stage now.
Now when he hits, he acknowledges hes angry and I offer alternatives "shall we cuddle" "whats making you feel angry"

Xx

My daughter has only just came out of this stage still has out bursts but does get better, i know it's not nice but a naughty step or room for time out helped us a lot! because she didn't want to do it again! hope it gets better xxx

Sometimes the usual techniques people recommend don’t work because the behaviour isn’t “normal”.

My daughter has a similar issue, my daughter sounds worse tbh, but it’s a rage issue, and once upset it’s a real struggle for her to come down from that place, it’s escalates and escalates because she genuinely cannot control herself. She becomes so deregulated during these episodes, her face changes with pure rage and sometimes I’m even afraid of her. But I can see her in there somewhere, and I can see she is suffering and wants to stop, but can’t. So it just goes on and on and gets worse and worse. Any kind of interaction or being present makes it worse. I just get hit and kicked and things will be thrown at me. She charges at me hitting when I walk away. I have done all the things you’re told to do consistently, but in the end it’s just cruel because she CAN’T control herself, she isn’t choosing this.

All toddlers struggle with their emotions and overact to no’s and boundaries and demonstrate an avoidance/protest to day to day demands to some degree or another, but once upset, my daughter struggles to return to her baseline within a normal time frame, and usually its exhaustion that gets her to stop, nothing I am able to do. Afterwards, when she’s calm, we have really good reflective discussions about what just happened. Still, nothing has improved the situation, if anything it’s getting worse.

I was referred to a specialist health visitor and at the minute we’re doing VIG together, but she has also mentioned a lot of resources, courses and support that I’m able to access without having to get my child diagnosed with anything. She’s also referred me to an early years team for more support with this. So, maybe if you relate to anything I’ve said, it could be helpful to reach out to your health visiting team to see if they can offer you some support too.