MIL making weird comments...

My mother-in-law and I have a good relationship overall. In fact, my baby, my partner, and I are currently living with her temporarily. She has welcomed us very warmly and been quite supportive. She's not the most maternal person I know tho, that's for sure. Besides my partner, she has another son, an 8yo, and seeing how she is with him helps me understand a lot about my partner and his avoidant attachment style (since she isn't very loving and caring.
But my problem is that she uses a language I don't like when referring to both her son and mine. For example, sometimes she tells her son he's being an idiot when he's tired or hungry. Sometimes she calls him unbearable. She's never yelled at him, at least not in my presence, but I don't like that kind of language she uses with both her son and my baby. When she asks how did we slept, and we didn't sleep very well, she also calls him an idiot or unbearable, and it bothers me. I don't know how to deal with it because I don't know what to even say to her either.
But today something happened that upset me a bit. This morning, my baby was in his high chair, and she came up behind him, so he arched his back and I turned my head back to see her stretching his neck a lot. She came closer and, in a sweet tone, started running her hand along his neck, saying, "I'm going to cut your little neck, I'm going to cut your little neck!" My partner was behind me, so I didn't see his reaction. I was washing the dishes and I was stunned. I didn't know what to say because she said it in a playful or tender tone, but it didn't seem appropriate AT ALL. But she was saying it with such a sweet and playful voice, that I didn't say anything.
Has anyone else had to deal with a similar situation and can share advice on how to handle this?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

What the fuck. Who says that to a baby??????????

If you think I should say something: how and what would you say?
I'm worried my partner wouldn't react well, since he must be used to the language she uses. Also, when I said I didn't want her to watch him, if she didn't offered first, he seemed upset. :(

Idk if this is just my passive aggressive personality, but I’d start defending your husband when she says stuff like that so she knows it’s not okay, and other people think it’s wrong. Not like, directly shaming her, but kinda. If my MIL called my husband an idiot or unbearable casually, I’d respond by coming up to hug or kiss my husband and saying something like “I don’t find him unbearable at all” or “you’re not an idiot, you’re such an intelligent man.”
I guarantee she’ll backpedal so fast, MILs are usually slightly competitive for their son’s favor and attention lol

I think I would of said something at the time like “that’s not very pg13” or “Id rather you didn’t joke about trying to cut my sons neck” but respond in the same tone but get the point across. Seems a very odd thing to say. Bit different when people say I’m going to gobble you up and plant lots of kisses.

That's scary😬 I feel like the fact that she said it in a sweet tone makes it worse idk why. Makes her seem unpredictable and a little psychotic💀

That's crazy. Did you mention it to your partner later? This is creepy and i wouldn't want her alone with my baby

To me that's a red flag with all that you've said with your husband having the avoidance attachment. Tell her that behavior is absolutely wrong and it best not happen again. I'd watch her closely and live somewhere else if possible. If not possible to move, don't leave her alone with him. Saying something sweetly like that does not change the words said. There are plenty of mental people that say or act sweet that way but are severely "off" mentally. Thats your baby. Ita worth upsetting MIL or husband over baby's saftey. Ask your husband about his experience with his mother. She definitely does not seem normal. No one well ive ever seen makes those kind of comments ESPECIALLY about a baby.

I have experience when my mother-in-law or my mom has said something to my son that I'm not comfortable with and I spoke up so I encourage you to do the same. It doesn't have to be mean or anything and even though you could be as sweet as you can be, they could take it that way but they had to remember. You know this is your child. It's your child so they got to to abide by the boundaries that have already been built and not build their own or their own rules cuz they don't just get to do whatever just because their grandparents and their elders that doesn't give them a pass to not be accountable

in our community

Puree pouches

Can someone enlighten me on why NHS advises against too many food pouches in one week? When they're organic and no added extras? It makes me feel really guilty/lazy for giving him them

There is something sinister about my 3 year old boy.

I dont know how to explain it. When i look at him i dont feel the sane way as i do with his sibling. He has anger issues, he says things that leave me speechless, when he is angry he will things like when i grow up i will hit you with a hammer or when i grow up i will put you on fire and watch you die and i have no idea how he learnt this or where from. He only watches cartoons and he doesnt go to nursery/school. I cant love him the same way i do his sibling and i resent him alot. I really have to try my best to show equality. What do i do?

Is this normal or do I just have a lazy partner?

My child’s father has been sleeping in the other room as I’m just so done with all the shit I have to deal with him. We are already on thin ice. I’ve voiced how I want him to actually be a partner and do his bit as a dad and work with me raising the kids, doing the shopping, cleaning the house cooking etc. he’s so lazy. This morning our three year old was really upset and didn’t want to go to nursery. He can hear this and I know he’s awake as I heard his alarm go off 20 mins before and know he’s just lying in his bed on his phone. Our daughter is being really difficult getting dressed but finally I manage. I then start doing her hair and when it comes to brushing her teeth she’s even more upset and crying. All the while he made himself a cup of tea, got himself ready and is sat on the toilet. I come out and start screaming at him why haven’t you helped as my stress levels are so high and he says well I’m driving her to nursery you’re not so you can get her ready. Nursery is literally a five min drive away in the direction of his work. Also I work too I just leave slightly later than them but have barely anytime to get myself ready when they leave. Is this normal or is this a bad partner?

Was this rude and immature?

My brother, his partner and their baby came to visit us. We cooked fajitas. When my brothers partner got here she asked what we had for lunch. We told her we made fajitas. She started whining and complaining saying she doesn’t want that, and that she want rice and proper food. So much so that we put some rice on the cooker and my husband went out to buy her some plantain which we fried for her. Was she rude and childish for this?

How to give to 7m old??

So how would you give a sausage to a 7 month old? Solid starts says this but for example we have sausage and roasted veg quite a bit in our house as an easy dinner (fresh veg as well which is mainly what our baby has) but I like him to be able to do it himself - so am I being right that the only way you can give sausage is crumbled???

I swear my daughter was munching on whole sausages but I could be way ahead of myself here!!

My 4.5 yr old is still not potty trained and i am about to lose it

He is 4.5, and he doesnt care. We started potty training at 2 yrs old, so 2.5 years ago. He pees and poos in his underwear and sits in it for hours without telling me. The feeling of being wet and sticky from feces and pee doesnt seem to bother him. I am at my wits end. I wont know what to do anymore. I remind him every 30 min, every hour. Sometimes i take him to the toilet and he says theres nothing in my belly but 5 min later he will hide behind the couch to poop or pee freely as he is playing. I have tried every trick under the sun. Rewards, gifts, chocolate, punishment, consequences, etc. NOTHING is working. Please help. I feel like the older he is getting the harder its getting and he will be in diapers for the rest of his life.