So I want to start by saying I love him very much but… he was down on his money for like 2 years. And recently he got a raise and overtime that finally makes it so he makes more than me. The reason I am upset is because I have pay his phone bill, I pay part of the car payment and I pay for the child care by myself. Now that he is making money he makes me feel like I’m begging for help now or I am just being bad with money even though I have been carrying this by myself and never said much. The other day he tried to tell me not to buy a coffee because we should be saving and then when I asked for his half of the phone bill he got upset. Now he is saying he was not mad about me asking but because he was about to do it. But I feel like he is saying that because I made him feel bad because I feel like he sees my money as ours and his money as his
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That’s definitely not okay. I’d have a sit down like family finance meeting now that $$$ has changed. Take all the bills and figure out what half is, and if he thinks for some reason that’s not fair now, well that’s a new conversation that you need to have. He doesn’t get to just act like a bachelor with his money while you support the family. That’s not moving toward a functioning married couple at all and a hard line for me for marrying him personally. Don’t tell me to what to do with my money, when you have more to go around but aren’t contributing or providing properly already

Stop paying the phone bill cancel it or call up with him and put it in his name why are you paying his bills?

I agree if you’re not married yet there’s no need to be paying his bills. Have a family meeting and lay out all the expenses so he knows what he’s expected to contribute. Maybe you guys have a family phone plan but either have him pay half or take over another bill in exchange that’s about equivalent. For shared expenses maybe have a joint account that you each contribute to and then that way you BOTH maintain your own money after those shared expenses are taken care of.
If he has a job now and doesn’t want to contribute that’s a dealbreaker for me.