Child caregiver concerns
I don’t know if I’m being paranoid, but I have concerns about my nanny, who works for us 20 hours a week, and I’m not sure if I should ask her to stop.
1. She sometimes ignores my instructions regarding feeding (e.g., not burping the baby twice during feeds, even though the doctor advised this for his reflux), not doing leg exercises as requested and she does when baby is straining.
2. She ignored me twice when I said I wanted to bathe the baby (she only does it once a week).
3. Before we hired her, she said she enjoys cooking, but now she seems reluctant every time she has to cook for us.
4. She wants to take days off whenever she chooses and get paid more than half in cash and the rest with invoice.
5. She often asks to come with me wherever I go, even though I decline.
6. She arrives late after dropping off her child, although she says she will make up the time later and does stay longer on Fridays.
7. She avoids doing certain household tasks (e.g., she has never taken out the nappy bin or clean the nursery)
8. She mentioned she used to attend social events with children of other families and has suggested that now the weather is warmer, we could go to the park with the baby.
9. She has become too personal- she comments on my some of my clothes and accessories, and since I’ve travelled a lot, I sometimes feel she may be envious.
I don’t want her to attend mum-and-baby events with me, as I don’t need her in that context. I need someone to help me care for the baby, not a companion or entertainer.
I don’t trust her anymore. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
Boundaries
I recently gave birth via an emergency C-section after being induced, and I honestly haven’t been able to stop replaying the whole experience in my head. Baby is okay thankfully, but it was a lot.
I was discharged, came home, and within an hour my MIL showed up unannounced with her mum and sister. I hadn’t even had a chance to shower, baby hadn’t settled, and they were passing her around without even washing their hands. No one really checked on me either. I’d literally just had surgery and come home from hospital. While I went to the loo, they were also taking pictures of my baby and circulating them among themselves, which really didn’t sit right with me.
Then a few days later (baby was only 6 days old), my husband’s whole family showed up unannounced again while baby was under phototherapy and I was breastfeeding. It felt like such an invasion of privacy. Baby was being passed around, everyone giving advice I didn’t ask for, and again barely anyone asking how I’m actually doing. My mil’s sister from the previous visit walks in and starts mingling with the other unannounced guests and finally looks at my me and says “oh I didn’t even see you”.
And now that same sister has messaged asking to come over with HER sister-in-law… who I don’t even know.
I completely understand everyone is excited, but I feel really overwhelmed, exposed, and honestly a bit disregarded. I’m trying to recover, establish breastfeeding, and just bond with my baby, and it feels like I haven’t had a moment to breathe.
I’m now trying to set boundaries like no unannounced visits and keeping it to immediate family for now, but it’s hard and I feel guilty even though I know I shouldn’t.
I feel like I’m slowly losing it with them and just needed a place to vent.
Need help!
Hi mums! I’m looking for a bit of support or ideas.
I have a 19-month-old and work mornings (7–3), while my husband works night shifts. We’re struggling with mornings as he can’t get proper sleep, and we can’t afford a nanny.
Is anyone interested in a childcare swap, or can recommend affordable options (childminder, part-time nursery, etc.)?
Based in Wembley. Thank you so much 🙏
