Feeling so down

I’m a single mom, my son is 1.5 yo. I left BD when I was like 3 months pregnant so I pretty much been on my own with this over 2 years now. No family, friends faded away one by one.no partner. Just me. Isolation is killer.

I have been ugly crying for weeks, so angry I can’t control it and I yell at my son for the smallest things then I feel like crap.

Last night sent me in a downhill spiral. A social media influencer just had her 2nd baby, and had an at home wedding. It was so sweet, I hate being jealous truly but after seeing that I can’t keep it together, because I will never have that. She’s so pretty, she has a nice house, family, friends, 2 ,children with a good man. Ya I’m sure it’s not as perfect as it looks and they have issues too. But they have all that . Ya. I guess I am jealous. I don’t have a scale that tips, I have my son of course the only thing I’m thankful for in life but now I have to watch him live the lonely life I lived, and that’s my own personal torture and guilt.

Idk. I just can’t go on anymore, sometimes I feel he is better off without me. I fight so hard to keep the little we have, down to our tiny as apt. By the time I’m finished with work and school I no longer have strangers to be there for him….

Any motivation? Is there really a light at this end of this tunnel. I am so fat and ugky I’m so repulsed by myself, I don’t even want a man anywhere near me out of shame.

in our community

I’m not okay!!!

A month ago my man had a stroke. I am overwhelmed and fed up by taking care of him and the 2 kids all on my own. He won’t let me have family over so I can have help. I don’t know if I can handle this. Am I a bad person?

Child caregiver concerns

I don’t know if I’m being paranoid, but I have concerns about my nanny, who works for us 20 hours a week, and I’m not sure if I should ask her to stop.

1. She sometimes ignores my instructions regarding feeding (e.g., not burping the baby twice during feeds, even though the doctor advised this for his reflux), not doing leg exercises as requested and she does when baby is straining.
2. She ignored me twice when I said I wanted to bathe the baby (she only does it once a week).
3. Before we hired her, she said she enjoys cooking, but now she seems reluctant every time she has to cook for us.
4. She wants to take days off whenever she chooses and get paid more than half in cash and the rest with invoice.
5. She often asks to come with me wherever I go, even though I decline.
6. She arrives late after dropping off her child, although she says she will make up the time later and does stay longer on Fridays.
7. She avoids doing certain household tasks (e.g., she has never taken out the nappy bin or clean the nursery)
8. She mentioned she used to attend social events with children of other families and has suggested that now the weather is warmer, we could go to the park with the baby.
9. She has become too personal- she comments on my some of my clothes and accessories, and since I’ve travelled a lot, I sometimes feel she may be envious.

I don’t want her to attend mum-and-baby events with me, as I don’t need her in that context. I need someone to help me care for the baby, not a companion or entertainer.

I don’t trust her anymore. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

I hate my baby daddy

Was a little late to cleaning today because I’m 4-5 fucking weeks pregnant and I decided to take a shower. Somthing thats literally impossible with a toddler. I managed to get a little done but it wasn’t perfect. Sure. I decide to take my 2 year old for a walk and we notice her dad is home. At first I was going to let her walk and take her to the park but she missed her dad today so I decided to let her see him. Her dad gestures to the top of her head that has a bandaid (she likes to play with them, she’s 2). He’s visibly annoyed and he shuts his car off. He tells me to go back to the apartment (no hello or anything while my daughter is really happy to see him) and I say I was taking her to the park. Usually my daughter likes to walk around and play and it gets her energy out and helps her to sleep. He wants her to immediately go to the park and doesn’t let her explore even a little bit. When we get there, she’s barely there 10 minutes before hes telling us to go home. He tells me not to play a game with her (i tickle her back while singing the itsy bitsy spider) and he yells at our daughter to climb the stairs to our apartment. She starts crying and is upset, so I put her to sleep. He then starts cleaning and is making a lot of noise. Obviously he’s irritated. He comes into the room and says he’s throwing away everything he sees, and he throws away some of my things and a lot of my daughters toys. I’m in the middle of putting my daughter to sleep, but he tells me “if I want anything I better get it from him before he throws it away”. Mind you, my child is on top of me taking her first nap of the day. I’m so upset, I’m trying not to cry too loud but I’m so sick of this shit. Literally from the minute he saw me and my daughter he was annoyed. I know I’m not doing my best but this pregnancy on top of having a toddler is draining. I hate this. I dont know why I wanted a second kid with him

Childcare for when in labour

So... Is about the time to get ready! But what are people doing for childcare of older siblings when you have no friends or family around that can give a hand?? My mum is coming from my home country in a couple of weeks... But in the meantime what if...? 🫣

Is it time to break up?

I've been with my partner for just under 2 years and we have a 10 month old baby. We're both military and he's been away for 3 months but been back home a week. The time he was away I didn't miss him, didn't really think about him and I just enjoyed life with our baby.

Since he's been back I've just felt unable to rebuild that connection with him. He's pretty lazy and won't do anything I ask, I'm working and he's on annual leave for a few months. I'll ask him to do simple tasks whilst I'm at work like turning the washing machine on, I'll fill it before work so all he has to do is press start and he 'forgets'.

He is good with our baby, he does every bedtime, stays up with him if I have work the next day etc but I don't feel a connection with him

Without sounding harsh it's like he lacks common sense. He asks where the baby bottles are although they've been in the same place for 6 months, we have a tommee tippee travel blind and he put it up wrong as in he put the blind over the net curtain and ripped the net curtain down

I can say something to him and he just doesn't listen

Our baby has been unwell this week so they haven't been at nursery and he's been looking after him. I come home and there's meds everywhere and he's just sat on his computer or watching TV whilst the baby plays on their own

I honestly think I'm just mentally done with parenting him and our baby

Any thoughts or suggestions?

I'm making apple sauce

What other fruit would be good to add?
Except strawberries, I don't have any.