Just packed my bags. Now I don’t know where to go… did I over react?
My husband and I had the best relationship ever when we first started dating, but then some thing happened that made him depressed along with some other mental health concerns, and he got really heavy into drinking and became an alcoholic. We hit some of our lowest point, and he became abusive a few times, and finally after one really bad night, he agreed to get sober. He went to rehab/AA, and he came back the man I loved again. Things were great for few years. We had our baby, bought a house, and built a life. Then he relapsed one night, and that was all it took. That same night he got into a bad accident that left him permanently disabled. Life got way worse for us at that point, but I stood by him and he promised never to drink again, and I told him if he drank even one drop, I would take the kids and leave him.
Tonight I came home from work, and he home with our female neighbor and her kids, and they were both drinking. Empty bottles lined the counter, and they were drinking different things, so I knew how many he had, and it was a lot. I asked if she brought them over (she did. I don’t know why or why she was even there). But I didn’t say a word and just went back to our bedroom and started packing a bag. He didn’t say anything and stayed in the kitchen with her chatting, mainly because I don’t think he realized I was packing. When I came back out, I was crying and carrying bags, and this girl made no effort to move out of my or leave our home. She just sat there all cocky while I packed everything. When ge noticed I was packing, his face kind of dropped and his eyes looked sad and he said “are you really leaving?” And I said yes. I told our kid to put their shoes on, and said we were just leaving for a while, and they asked to stay but he told them to listen to me because mom is boss, and gave them a big hug. Once they were in the car, he was on the porch with this girl now, and I looked at him and said “you’re not going even going to pretend to stop me?” At this point his best friend pulls up and immediately realized we were fighting. I like this friend, and I do respect him, so I hated that at this point my husband was making me look crazy in front of him and this girl, and just laughing like I didn’t matter. I told him if he left with his friend then I would be delivering him divorce papers, and it would be more than a brief separation. He got in the car and left anyways, leaving me with this lady and her kids. I locked the front door, got in my car and left. I don’t actually have anywhere to go, but I feel like I can’t go back. The whole situation was horrible, and I’m scared if I put my tail between my legs and return, he’ll think he can do anything. He did privately message me and said he drank because his mind was taking him to a dark place, but I told him I didn’t want to hear it. He knew the rule, and then on top of it he lied about both drinking in the firsts place and about spending time with this lady. Apparently they’ve been hanging out every day, and her kids have a weird relationship with him too. His relationship with this woman is not sexual, but all emotional. I guess she’s unemployed, and he can’t work because of his disability, so when I take our kid to school and go to work, she comes over with her kids and they play happy family during the day, which is fucking weird. Like mini trips together and hanging out at the house and stuff.
I’m so disgusted and angry right now, but as I start to calm down and the realization that I have no where to go sinks in, I’m starting to feel like I acted to rash.
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No you are not over reacting. No they many not be having a sexual relationship but they are having an emotional affair. He should not be drinking and you had a boundary that sadly he apparently didn't care about. Are there any shelters or anything that you could stay at? Im sorry you're going through this.
do not ever go back. under any circumstance. if i were u, just go back to ur parents place for a little while. he isnt worth all that pain. he didnt even stop u from getting in car.. showed what the hell of a "man" he truly is..
The fact he asked if you were “really leaving” meant that he knew EXACTLY what he was doing and he wants to see how far you’d let him take it. The female neighbor being there just watching you is a whole other layer— I think you are responding exactly as you should but you have to choose to stay away from him.
Just because you’re not sure where to go doesn’t mean your response was wrong. Those are two different issues. You’ll find somewhere to go or kick him out.
i’ll tell you what babe , you don’t have anywhere to go rn but that doesn’t mean you have to be 100% uncomfortable. i’d suggest going back home BUT separate sleeping quarters. how many bedrooms do y’all have ?
rental ? ownership ? both names on the lease/mortgage ?
Update: I came home because I needed my kid in her own bed. He was home, sitting in the kitchen with neighbor lady, no kids. I walked in and he hugged my kid, and then I went straight back to the bedrooms with my kid. He followed back and told me to be nice. I said I was staying in the bedroom and not coming out to hang out with her. He got mad by this and stormed off. I tried to call him back into the room to finish talking, because I wanted to address the drinking too. But he ignored me and now he’s hanging with her in the kitchen
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