Verbally abusive fiance- I lost control.
I can’t believe I am writing this.
I have a fiance (together 14.5yrs, engaged 3yrs) and a 25 month old son who is my entire world.
Yesterday was Father’s Day, and despite the hard feelings that come with that day for me (my father died 3 years ago in my arms) I made the day as special as I could for my fiance. I had some somber moments, we went to his grave in the evening but for the most part I was upbeat. I gave my fiance his gift and card, I had our toddler for the morning so my fiance could see his dad, have some time to himself and enjoy a bit of peace and rest.
After a big family get together in the afternoon, we went home, got our son ready for bed and that was when everything changed.
My son had boogers coming out his nose, big ones, and they were scaring him because they were going in his mouth. My fiancé got grossed out and was being silly about wiping boogers. So I took the tissue out his hand and said this is how you do it.
My fiancé LASHED OUT at me while I was holding our son. He was in my face, pointing at my face and very scarily growled through his teeth saying ‘don’t ever treat me like that’, it escalated and he became louder and much scarier and intimidating. I tried to remain calm but I had enough, I told him to get the f*ck out and stop doing that in front of our son because it was really scaring him.
He left the room. I had twenty seconds to decide what to do. I set my son down with his toys in his room, I closed the door a little and followed my fiance into our bedroom. I didn’t want my son to think that behaviour was ok and I needed to stick up for myself.
I gave back to him what he did to me. Along the lines of don’t you ever do that in front of our son again, he needs to control himself and he’s a piece of sh*t for doing it. He got in my face again to intimidate me, he was pushing me with his body and I was terrified, felt like he wasn’t far off hurting me, so I slapped his face. As soon as I did that he shoved me onto the wall and was in my face again. I’ve never been so scared.
Bear in mind, we have been trying for a baby and are in the two week wait period. There’s a possibility I could be pregnant.
I called my mum, told her I was scared. She said not much I can do but both calm down. He then told me I was dead to him.
I took my son off his dad, sat back in his rocking chair and got him to sleep.
That’s when I saw my fiance on the ring doorbell with his bags and a pillow, leaving. No word on where he’s going.
He eventually came back 11pm. I apologised profusely for slapping and I still am truly sorry, I lost control for a millisecond and acted out of self defence. But he could not take any accountability for his part. He’s talking about leaving me. He won’t talk.
I’m torn because our relationship revolves around him. I tend to be the one taking accountability, even for things I didn’t really do a lot of the time. He thinks very very highly of himself and never admits wrong doings. When he came home he was speaking like a psychopath, like the talented Mr Ripley and it was as if he were acting in a soap opera, was so strange. I didn’t recognise that man.
He’s a master manipulator and gaslighter. He said I was remembering wrong.
I want to be a family unit, if my fiance takes some accountability for his part. But at the same time I worry about what else will happen to me and my son.
6-year-old has a LYING Problem 🤥
Posting on here seeking advice from other moms that have dealt with children that lie. If you have a “perfect” child that has never lied, no offense, but your advice probably won’t help in this situation. I’m honestly troubled by this because as a mother of 4, only 1 of mine lies and lies often. It’ll be over the simplest of things to even lie about! For instance, this morning she woke up before me and she went downstairs, found her tablet and was playing on it. I came downstairs and asked if she had brushed her teeth.. she immediately says “Yes” and follows it up with “But it was a LONG time ago and my teeth probably stink by now”. Suspicious. So I asked her to come up close so I can double check… complete junk mouth to reveal that she indeed never brushed her teeth this morning. She then admitted to lying and I sent her to brush her teeth.
But I’m at my wits in. I’ve attempted talking to her, reasoning, time outs, and corporal punishment (I’ll admit that she’s the main one that ends up getting a whooping for numerous offenses). Has anyone ever dealt with such a defiant and strong-headed child? She’s so loving and usually she listens and dones well. But she is also the one that gets the MOST upset and MOST attitude when she does not get her way or we ask her to do something she didn’t want to do in the moment.
Am I an unreasonable wife?
My husband typically goes to football sessions on Monday evenings. Today he also worked in the office so leaving just about half hour between him coming back and having to leave again. I got really stressed about this because I have already done so much in the day and now I have only half hour window of "help" before I need to continue again. I haven't even managed to take a shower before he came back as baby only took half hour naps today and they were all contact naps. Husband spends an hour travelling to football, and an hour back, and the session is an hour long. I asked him if he is planning to go every week, and he got defensive and asked if I wanted him to sacrifice. I feel like I shouldn't even need to ask him, I don't mind doing all I've done in the day but honestly I can do with a break. He also usually does the bath time, story telling and bedtime for baby and so now I've to clear the dinner dishes plus try put her to sleep. Am I being unreasonable to ask him to stop going for football? Actually I wouldn't mind if he just gone to somewhere local for it so he isn't gone for 3 hours (2 hour spent on travelling) and will only be out for an hour ish if it's somewhere local. He says he is giving up on his friends and exercising.
I haven't even exercised since I've given birth. Honestly I would have loved to travel into London for my Pilates classes too but obviously baby comes first. I just don't know what to think of this and it makes me quite annoyed.
I think I just wanted to rant as it's been a long day.
Read more on Peanut
