I just need to rant 🥲 I have no one else to rant to (mum drama)
So my mums a mix of things, narcissistic, manipulative, self absorbed etc etc.
The past 2 months we’ve been living in a different area (1hr drive away) before this we lived 30 mins away, and before that we lived 1hr30m away, all within the span of 3/4 years. When we lived the furthest away, she never visited until my son was born because we told her we absolutely won’t be driving with a newborn for that long, so she pretty much said we “forced” her to visit, she was the last one to meet my son.
Living 30 mins away, she only came round to drop our son off (if my partner absolutely could not go and pick him up) but they were never “visits” she’s never sat there and had a cup of tea or even a chat/gossip with me (she loves gossip) it would always be what I can only describe as a co-parent drop off situation, or she’ll come in and belittle my home, then leave.
Anyway, so I knew moving away again would mean I go back to being alone most days (my partner works 12 hours a day sometimes longer) I settled with this, she hated that I was “taking her grandsons away” I’m currently pregnant with my 2nd. We’ve been calling each other most days, in the beginning it was a joint effort, 2 months later it’s like I’m the only one trying to have a relationship with her? I told her the other day I was feeling extremely down and I was struggling with my mental health…something I never say…but I needed someone to know I wasn’t okay and needed help (my partners working away) her response “or no x” like what??? I just told you I feel like drowning etc etc and that’s it?
The past couple of weeks when I’ve been calling her she’s not been actively there you know? Like we’re on ft but she’s not acknowledging a single word I’m saying, she says all the time “I miss my grandson” I don’t drive. My parents drive & have constant free time…but won’t make the journey :( she makes me feel constantly unloved and just like I could disappear tomorrow and no one but my partner will notice :( I just want an adult conversation with her, but I’m left feeling like a burden, like “urgh she’s calling again”
How do I stop giving into her? I want to distance myself from her & stop letting her hurt me everyday. Because I’ve done the whole “let her reach out first” and I’m left feeling guilty and she will lure me back in with all these false loving messages.
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I know how you feel. Ive had to cut contact with all the family on my mother's side because of my grandmother. Narcissist and controlling, nothing I ever did was good enough or thanked yet my sisters the golden child. Everytime we went to see her she would belittle me or tell my children that "im the only one who loves you, your mum and dad just put up with you" etc. Since going no contact ( coming up 4months) shes tried getting me evicted by calling my landlord, shes called social services because I abuse my children by keeping them from her, shes called the school telling them to keep an eye on me.
I have 3 boys and am currently pregnant with my 4th baby, this is stress I didnt need and from family too...
🙄 honestly I felt guilty at first but the more she tries to take over the more I see through how pathetic it really is. If you believe your doing the right thing for your children leave her behind. Yes it'll be hard but you gotta take care of your mental health aswell.
Honestly i know that one too. My first born was ruining the family I should've have had him, should've aborted as soon as I found out( 16+4... I had 3 days to decide), my second my mother got pregnant a month after me, shes a drug addict and completely toxic. My grandmother was telling her she was doing amazing while she was shooting up yet was telling me that I was pathetic and should've been going back to college to fix the life I screwed up by having my 1st.
My 3rd she laughed at me and said im choosing "my partners life style" over a loving family,( my partner has an adopted aunt and shes got alot of children because childhood trauma of being through the system). And now with my current pregnancy i chose not to tell her she'd find out in her own time and ive not received a single word but negatively
I don't have the best relationship with my mum either, but things have got better over the last few years. I've come to the conclusion that's she's not a bad person, she's just someone who has made a lot of bad choices and didn't have any positive influence in her own life.
I have set boundaries with my mum and had some quite hard conversations with her about what is / isn't ok. She's called me many spiteful names over the years and made me feel pretty shit about myself tbh, but since standing firm on boundaries, I oddly feel there is a lot more respect there. I'm not a doormat and neither are you.
Also remember, family isn't everything. Our friends are the family we choose. You don't need your mum's validation to feel fulfilled.
My advice would be to stop putting all your energy into someone who is never going to fill your cup. Prioritise the people in your life who love, care and support you - they are the ones you want to put your energy into 💕
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