Daycare questions

I might have to put my son in daycare ASAP! I have a job opportunity that came up and during my interview they said if I get picked then I have to start Monday. I don't want to put him in daycare and was hoping I would never have to but I can't pass up this position since I've wanted it for almost 12 years.

When touring daycares what questions should I ask and things I should look out for that you'd consider being a red flag?

in our community

I am BIG mad at my husband 😡😡😡

We just had a serious conversation about our marriage and him not pulling his weight with household chores but also not even helping out as much in caring for the baby. He turned it around to me saying he stepped back from us because of the disrespectful way I speak to him. SO HOLD ON YOU JUST DECIDED TO STOP BEING A HUSBAND AND A DAD BECAUSE YOU DIDNT LIKE THE WAY I SPOKE TO YOU A COUPLE OF TIMES OUT OF FRUSTRATION. GET THE F OUTTA HERE! Example is we were meeting him today after work and he went to the wrong place and I told him to hurry up please because I wanted to get home in time for LO's nap so our LO didn't get overtired. He took me saying hurry up as disrespectful because I didn't say please (I did he just conveniently didn't hear that). I did hang up the phone afterwards immediately as I was frustrated. I've lost so much respect for him and don't want to be with him tbh but I feel stuck. Like I don't even know how I would go about looking for another place for us to live and also not going to lie even though I'm basically a married single mum at least he used to participate in his fair share of care for our baby. He's just lazy and wants a maid. Am I being irrational?!

Would this offend you?

When I was days away from giving birth, my husband told me- I can’t remember how the topic came up- that his parents had once offered to adopt our baby if I didn’t want her.

I remember scoffing in disbelief and being offended, but dismissed it at the time as something very ill judged (this is when my relationship with them was fine).

For context, they are exceptionally overprotective of their son- who did not want our baby at all.

But now, a year on, having experienced a thousand moments of their entitlement of our baby it has been bothering me more and more. My husband gets angry at me every time I bring it up, claiming they were just being kind but it really offended me.

We live with them and they’ve intruded into every single thing they can. Broken every boundary and my FIL completely ignores my maternal autonomy in every way. And has become increasingly antagonistic as I try and get him to back off and respect my rules with my baby. He has gotten to the point where he snatches things out of my hands to give her instead- and lying to everybody else about having done that. All I get are comments about ‘how much he loves her’, ‘how wonderful it is that he gets to experience this’ after working abroad when his son was a baby. How he always wanted a girl. It makes me furious.

So it just keeps creeping back in. The adoption offer. When they knew I very very much wanted my baby, that I was very prepared for her and a capable person.

Would any of you be bothered by that? Or should I listen to my husband that it was a just in case, nice offer?

If you was to see a 2 year old with very little front teeth left would you judge the parent ?

My two year old has pretty much no front teeth , he has “Fangs” but the 4 front main teeth have completely decayed away.
There is a reason for this after many appointments we found out he had Enamel hypomineralisation and have now been waiting over 10 months to see a specialist children’s dentist for him.
No one will touch his teeth at this age right now without putting him under so we have to wait for the hospital appointment and they’re just getting worse and worse. I feel so bad and I’m so worried people will think I’ve neglected his teeth.

Hitting and throwing

Hello all! My son (2 yrs old) has been hitting people and throwing things when he's upset. We've tried taking the toys he throws, having him take body breaks, and deep breathing but it just goes straight back to hitting as soon as he gets angry again. He's super friendly, but I'm afraid he's going to have issues making friends if this continues. Does anyone happen to have any recommendations? I want to try to solve it before he gets any older

Difficult MIL situation

My MIL is quite selfish and high maintenance. I’m exhausted by her visits because she needs constant attention and feeding and entertaining… it feels like there is no downtime or space to be ourselves.
I have never got past small talk with her and she makes inappropriate comments about my body. Shes really rude and unkind to my partner, pretending it’s ‘banter’. She doesn’t help out in any way but requires a LOT from us. We have a toddler and a newborn now. She sent a card when baby was born but that’s all…she hasn’t messaged me to say congrats or how am I at all. Phone calls to my partner are the same 5 min convo about nothing they have every week. She has no idea how he is doing and has never been supportive or put him first.

She said she would visit to ‘give us a break’ which I’m dreading because it absolutely won’t be a break… I can’t face looking after her while we are already at breaking point. However, shes just gone and booked flights for an 8 day visit without asking us first. Even 24 hours feels like too much! My partner has negotiated it down to 3 days and I’m meant to be grateful for this. I’m not though, I’m absolutely raging that I will have to give up my bed whilst nursing a newborn for this woman who couldnt even ask how I was after I had our baby. And look after her too.
How much of this is postnatal exhaustion/ hormones etc speaking or am I justified in being really flipping angry? Also any tips for surviving the visit? I’ve got the feeling I won’t be able to hold my tongue this time if she is rude in any way

Potty training

Something I've noticed when it comes to potty training, is that when HV's give you advice or anyone else you ask they tend to forget the fact that not everyone sends their kids to nursery. So a lot of the advice given is just "3 days training, nursery takes 5 days, rinse and repeat."
And then I'm just sat here feeling like an idiot and overwhelmed wondering if my son is ready but he doesn't want to go back to nappies so I'm stuck doing this where I'm cleaning poop from underwear, pee of the floor well also dealing with a 4-month-old by myself, cook, clean, and feeling little sympathy from my husband who (tbf to him) his dad's terminal.

Did anyone else feel like this and do they have any tips they like to share. As I noticed one is at home he feels more comfortable to pee on the floor but when we're out he's more inclined to tell me that he needs to pee

Sorry rant one just feel so tired and exhausted😅