I have an 8yo SD and a 2yo bio daughter. Within the last few months SD had been diagnosed with ADHD, was put on medication and had several medication adjustments. She’s in OT every week to work on her anger and her ADHD. Her mom recently got out of a relationship and has a baby with her ex fiancé. We have my SD every other week.
NOW with summer vacation going on, I’ve been home with both daughters during the day while dads at work until maybe 5pm. She has grown more aggressive, talking back, telling me she doesn’t have to listen to me and only listens to her dad. She has made up lies to her dad about me, harms her sister, and tries to get her sister in trouble
I have voiced my concerns to both her dad and mom with no help. Mom said she has spoken to her several times about the behaviors but nothing has changed. I told my husband that I am starting to not feel like I am her mom and more dad’s wife. Dad told me if I don’t feel like her mom anymore “then we have bigger issues to deal with”, “I married you because I want you to be the mother of my children”. I’ve also noticed her mom lately being extra flirty with him and constantly texting/ calling him for things not relating to daughter.
Am I wrong for thinking about leaving my husband for this? I have had my own mom tell me she sees SD mom act inappropriately towards husband and he claims he doesn’t see it. My mom also has seen how SD treats me and doesn’t find it fair no one is helping, as if I’m only here as a babysitter and an extra income for the household.
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Nope, that's a legit reason for leaving.

Id request to my husband that she start individual therapy. & that we get couples therapy. If he denies thats a legit reason to bring up divorce.

You shouldn’t be main caretaker of his kid. Sounds like custody needs to change, boundaries need to be set. And if your needs aren’t respected then some more serious measures need taken. But leaving him when you now have a kid together won’t solve anything. Will just make things worse for your child

I would definitely sit down & have a serious talk with him about everything. Okay, you hear how he says he doesn’t see what bio mom is doing, but you are expressing concern, now he needs to respect YOU & take steps away from bio mom. As much as I love my SD I sometimes remember that I have no obligation to watch her. So maybe starting to watch her less will help you. HE needs to speak w/SD & show her she needs to listen to you. If she doesn’t there will be consequences. I understand we choice to be apart of our step child’s life, but when they’re hurting us or their half siblings, it’s not right. If he doesn’t fix things after you speak with him, then I would leave if I were you. You need to be okay, for your bio baby to be okay too