SAHMs, how much help do you get from your husband?

I don’t have any family or friends here, so it’s just me, my 19-month-old, and my husband. I’m a SAHM. He works in the office 2 days a week, and the rest of the time he works from home. Most days he also plays games while he’s working. They’re always chatting on Discord too, so even on his lunch break, instead of helping around the house, he’s gaming or texting.

Today I took our toddler out for almost the whole day. When we got home, the kitchen was a mess, the house was a mess, and there was no food ready for the baby, so I had to cook after we got back. Am I wrong for expecting him to help with things like that?

I do all the deep cleaning and most of the cooking. He does clean sometimes, but it’s never a proper deep clean. During the day, he usually takes her out for about an hour so I can have a break.

Our baby goes to bed at 7 pm, so after that we’re both free. He usually just gets on his games, while I’m still thinking about everything that needs doing. I’m getting really annoyed because if I don’t ask him to do something, he just won’t do it.

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If he's got time to play games etc whilst hes working he absolutely has time to help around the house. It sounds rough, I'd definitely speak with him about how youre feeling. I write a (never ending) list of everything that needs doing & send it to my husband lol hes got adhd so if i dont tell him he'll do 96 other things that don't really need to be done lol.

Also, could you maybe suggest him spending his lunch break with you so you can eat together? I work from home one day a week & i loved being able to eat with my husband and baby on my break xx

Yess girl I understand you perfectly! My husband does the same thing!! And we’ve had MANY talks about it before. I even thinking about divorce it got so bad, but it’s not you! You should have help from your partner! You are not wrong for expecting these things from your husband so maybe talk to him about what you do expect from him and what you need from him.

Just for comparison, my husband works full time compressed into 4 days a week, mostly from home. We see it that my "job" is taking care of our toddler and his job is earning the money...everything else is then split which I feel is how it should be. I do 95% cooking/meals, hoovering, household organising, tidying, putting laundry away and he cleans the kitchen/dishes, puts the laundry on and hangs it out, cleans the bathrooms, any admin or DIY work etc. Your partner should be stepping up...if he has time for so much gaming then he has time to help you out a little more

My husband does everything - night wakes, breakfast, diaper changes, dinner, dishes, laundry, car maintenance, yard work, doggie care, bath every night, bedtime routine every night, just to name a few things.

He also works in office two days a week, but works from home for three. I’ll text him « code brown » and he’ll come change his diaper when he works from home (or I’ll just speak loudly to my son about how stinky he is and he’ll come help haha). He puts him down for nap too when he works from home.

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