advice? long post warning!
i don’t know where to start with this or even what i’m hoping to achieve from writing this post, i suppose i need a bit of a rant and to know i’m not completely alone and crazy. i’m 35 weeks tomorrow and have been absolutely freaking out about having two children as a stay at home mum.
My partner works a hybrid job, 3 days in the office and 2 days remote at home but for the last two months he’s been remote working due to a chronic illness he suffers from. he is truly the most supportive and hands on dad, i couldn’t ask for better for my babies, even when he comes home from the office he’s on it with our toddler sorting bath and bedtime as soon as he walks through the door. He does so much for us both, even while he’s been remotely working he’s constantly making sure he’s helping where he can and i’ve completely gotten comfortable and used to having him around to help.
This pregnancy has been beyond hard, i’ve had so many problems with it and have been so ill the whole way through, but he’s been there and even come home early when i was too ill to look after our toddler properly.
I love our toddler to pieces he’s the light of my life but he’s nearly two (he’ll be 2 in august around same time baby’s due) and my god is he hard work! he has such a wonderful side to him but he’s also going through the terrible twos and is very impatient and i struggle when im on my own with him to keep my patience (which im hoping is just a pregnancy thing because i used to be able to deal with the unnecessary crying and screaming fine) but my partner is a very patient man and will step in if need be allowing me to take a moment.
my partner goes back to work after paternity leave but he only gets 2 weeks off (plus he’s saved 2 weeks of holiday) so a month total. this seems absolutely ridiculous and tbh terrifies me as im going to be home alone with a newborn and a toddler - with very little access to the outside world due to a lack of public transport, a lack of friends and a lack of money, so really my only options for getting out of the house is a walk or the park which is great for all of 10 minutes until my toddler decides he’s bored.
i have no idea how to navigate life with 2 children essentially on my own three times a week and i feel so stupid because i know there are mums doing exactly this on their own 24/7.
How do i cope with very little sleep and an eager toddler? (i’m also hoping to breastfeed which means my partner can’t help overnight with feeds etc) our first baby was such a good sleeper and even when he had bad nights i was able to sleep when he slept but i can’t do that this time when im home alone.
Nursery one day a week could be an option, but it’s one i’m very reluctant on due to my own personal anxieties surrounding it, that i don’t really want to get into a debate about.
i know i could probably do it, but i have people (my partners family) telling me nursery is the best option and they keep reiterating that it’s going to be really hard on me and they don’t know if i can do it on my own, which i think is making me second guess myself.
i suffered from postnatal depression and ocd with my first as-well which im terrified will happen again and im scared that means i wont be able to be a good mum for that first period of time.
i also feel really bad for my partner as this is our last baby and he is going to miss out on so many firsts and milestones like he did with our son and i know that it’s eating him up that he won’t be there for them and that he can’t be here to support us more.
I feel so lost, im scared i can’t do it without my partner and im scared to loose myself completely to motherhood. can anyone relate? has anyone been in similar situations and gotten through it?
Paying back childcare costs ? 😪
Husband has limited company and didnt do great last year, turns out his salary was 9000, ive been claiming 30 hours childcare, my salary is 40k but his salary would make us not eligible i believe, I expected him to earn more though dont know if that makes a difference.. does anybody know about this, im panicking im going to have to pay nursery fees back!!
Thanks xx
Overreacting or not
So was my 37th birthday yday. Spent a lovely day with my son, my husband had to work as he’s off two days next week for our son bday, when he got home we got take away, his suggestion and I couldn’t think what to have so just agreed, and then done the evening as normal, cleaned up, putting baby to bed but he was fighting it so my husband took him for a drive left me to some me time for an hour, then came home I said thank you, he THEN went to game, like he does 6/7 nights ( usually he starts when I start bedtime) I said are you gaming and he was like if ya don’t mind? I went well no guess not but you could see I was little upset I though being my bday it wouldn’t be on his mind and he’s come to bed with me, watch a film, have a cuddle but I went bed alone, like I do most nights and I just thought to myself is this it, take away and help putting baby to sleep, is that how special my bday gets 🤷🏻♀️ dunnno if I’m just a bitch 🤣 and this is just adult normal life
