Am I a bad mum?

Am I a bad mum ? I have a 7 month old and since he was bout 4 months old - he will go to my MIL (his grandma) for 2 days every week so I can get a break , catch up on housework and just be a 25 year old with my husband again. My mother says that I’m a bad mum because I do this but my son loves being at his grandmas (dads side) he comes back happy and healthy and she dosent mind. Infact my MIL constantly asks for him. But sometimes I feel I’m a bad mum because I’m “fobbing” off my child.
But I love my boy and he will be going less since he is getting older and want to start doing more outside activities with him.
Pls any advice or words

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Absolutely not a bad mum! It's relentless having a baby, especially while on maternity leave. If having a break means you can give him your best when you have him, that's better for both of you. Like you said, as long as everyone is healthy and happy, that's all that matters!

Hello! You are NOT a bad mom!
Everyones experience during motherhood is so so different, its a complex experience...

If those two days benefit everyone involved; baby is happy and well taken care of, you and your husband get down time (which we all need), and your MIL gets to be the grandparent she wants to be, then it is a great set up!

My way of feeling supported as a single mom of 2 is spending tuesdays and saturdays at my parents house. They help with the boys and I get to take my foot off the gas for a short while. Id let my toddler sleep round occasionally, but he doesnt feel ready for that yet.

It sounds as though you have a village you can utilise, so do!

You’re not a bad mom, you’re a person too who deserves a break and time to themselves!

Not a bad mum! I was apprehensive about my boy staying out but now he does it on a regular basis because me and my husband get to be “us” again, even if it’s only for a few hours. We didn’t realise how much we needed it! Like someone said, us having that break makes us better parents🤍

Absolutely not! You deserve the break!

Not at all. Can I just stress into one different point. I know that everyone says you deserve a break and everything, but sometimes the word itself might hit hard cause it's not really a break. In different sides of the world's mums have no luxury to be off on maternity, all of my friends where I came from the maximum they're allowed to take is 3 months so the whole family share caring for babies. It's a normal thing, maybe some people can't see it this way but if it's normal for you and working for both of you it means that nothing wrong with it. Some of us have attachment issues with our kids and can't really be away from them so in my opinion you both have a healthy relationship 💖

in our community

Would this annoy you?

So for context I have my mum who is 48 and my nan is 68 and I’m an only child. I am not as close with them as some families are however I still love them obviously and I know they’re obsessed with my baby.

My baby has said dada for a while and babbles.
Recently has started saying ‘nana’ and I believe when he says ‘nana’ he’s saying ‘banana’ as we call it ‘na na’ for short and he says it every time I’m feeding him, giving him banana or if he sees a banana.

My mum and my nan have both taken this and said ‘oh he’s saying nana for me’
I feel quite hurt as they keep saying that he’s saying it for them, and he’s never even said mama yet.

I know they mean well and they’re excited, they don’t want to come across that way but we literally see them every 4-6 weeks. Sometimes more sometimes less. I just feel like it’s rude of them to assume he’s saying this for either of them when they see him so little but I’m with the baby every hour of every day?

Maybe it’s hormones and I’m being selfish and sensitive..

Paying back childcare costs ? 😪

Husband has limited company and didnt do great last year, turns out his salary was 9000, ive been claiming 30 hours childcare, my salary is 40k but his salary would make us not eligible i believe, I expected him to earn more though dont know if that makes a difference.. does anybody know about this, im panicking im going to have to pay nursery fees back!!
Thanks xx

Overreacting or not

So was my 37th birthday yday. Spent a lovely day with my son, my husband had to work as he’s off two days next week for our son bday, when he got home we got take away, his suggestion and I couldn’t think what to have so just agreed, and then done the evening as normal, cleaned up, putting baby to bed but he was fighting it so my husband took him for a drive left me to some me time for an hour, then came home I said thank you, he THEN went to game, like he does 6/7 nights ( usually he starts when I start bedtime) I said are you gaming and he was like if ya don’t mind? I went well no guess not but you could see I was little upset I though being my bday it wouldn’t be on his mind and he’s come to bed with me, watch a film, have a cuddle but I went bed alone, like I do most nights and I just thought to myself is this it, take away and help putting baby to sleep, is that how special my bday gets 🤷🏻‍♀️ dunnno if I’m just a bitch 🤣 and this is just adult normal life

vent about fiancé

I just need to vent for a minute, and maybe see if anyone else has been through this.

Has anyone ever been with someone who is a good provider and financially responsible, but just… isn’t emotionally gentle?

I don’t mean perfect. I know everyone gets stressed and tired. I just mean someone who is impatient, rough around the edges, or doesn’t really know how to comfort you when you’re hurting.

Ever since having my baby, I’ve realized how much I crave kindness and softness in a partner. I don’t want gifts or grand gestures.. I just want to feel emotionally safe, like I can relax instead of constantly worrying about saying the wrong thing or making someone mad.

The hard part is that we just had a baby together. I don’t want my daughter to grow up with separated parents, but I also wonder if it’s realistic to hope someone will become more patient and gentle when I’ve been asking for over a year.

Has anyone been in a relationship like this? Did your partner actually change? If so, what helped? Or did you eventually realize they just weren’t capable of giving you what you needed?

Please be kind. I just feel really lost right now and would love to hear from people who’ve been through something similar. ❤️

Solid foods

Hey! My baby just turned 4 months yesterday and I was wondering if anyone had started solids at 4 months or is it best to wait until 6 months? Also looking for some recipes other moms have made for there babies for future ideas 😊 thank you ❤️

Am I a bad mum?

Trending

in our community

Would this annoy you?

Paying back childcare costs ? 😪

Overreacting or not

vent about fiancé

Solid foods

Am I a bad mum?