Sex and marriage
Sex and marriage
So when it comes to sex with my husband at the moment, I can’t say I have a strong urge to do it. Every time he is the one who initiates it I can’t say I don’t want to do it. It’s not like there’s anyone else I’m attracted to and it’s not like I’m not attracted to my husband, but I’m almost 20 weeks pregnant and we have a toddler.
I don’t know what it is. It’s not that I want to break up with my husband and it’s not that I’m not attracted to him. But I don’t know. I just don’t really have the urge that he does to have sex.
And I know that we’re married and it’s good to have sex and all that and whenever he initiates it, I do do it but I don’t know. I just don’t really feel like I’m up for it but I don’t know. But also I don’t really want to make him feel bad and say I’m not really dying for it. It’s not like the sex is bad.
I also know that sometimes my husband is a bit tone deaf to me.
Like I’m not really feeling that well and he’s asking or what time are we having dinner? Or he comes in and is asking what I have for dinner and I’m thinking how about asking me how I’m feeling instead.
Like I just feel like he just cares more about his pet cat and doesn’t really carry the mental load of having a toddler that I do or having a pregnant wife.
I just feel like he’s very much just focused on himself and his cat. It’s me who sort of constantly got the mental load of making sure our toddler isn’t doing something risky, watching her just keeping up to speed with like everything like appointments, health, activities what our toddler eats and wants etc.
and then yeah sometimes he just says some really annoying things like this week one day when I was telling him to watch our toddler and he walked away and I told him that he needs to watch her he told me to calm down
and then there was another time this week that I told him that something he’s done it’s just making more work for me and he said yeah, whatever.
And then there’s also another time when this week when I said to him I was telling him you know last night when you were telling me about dinner like that was the last thing on my mind I could barely stand I could barely function and then he didn’t even say anything and then I looked and I turned around and he was just like lying on the ground stroking his cat.
I’m just like I don’t know if those things contribute to it sometimes but yeah.
relationship advice... can we survive resentment?
I'll try to keep it short, for context:
We're both 21, been together since we were 16. He has been so good to me, before I got pregnant our relationship was amazing and loving and wholesome. I had been pregnant before (if you're going to judge me, keep it to yourself, idc) and we decided we couldn't have the baby (we were 19 at the time and both freshmen in college). I don't regret it, but it was awful. He was very supportive.
Then I got pregnant AGAIN, and yes we were careful. At the very moment I saw those lines I already knew I was going to be a mommy. I was 20 at the time, and VERY scared, but I just knew it. He didn't wanted to be a father. I offered him an out, he chose to stay with me and do this together. It was very hard for him to accept that his life was about to change completely, and I was very patient. I didn't complain, even when I felt a little neglected during all of my pregnancy, I thought once he met our little boy (although he wanted a girl) he'll be happy.
When our baby was born, his fatherly instincts kicked in, and he obviously loves and cares for our son. BUT...
We had a fight, bc his friends invited us to a beach trip, and bc our baby is 7mo and I didn't felt comfortable, I told him he could go without us (he had done it in the past lol). He said he didn't want to, but then he was upset and told me he was sad bc I didn't want to go. I got furious. He goes out almost every weekend. I feel like my life changed completely, but his didn't. Being a father seems like a side hobby sometimes. And I told him all of this, I told him I do 99% of the work, and we aren't a team. That I needed more "help", but it isn't help, it's just doing his part of the job without me having to ask him or tell him anything.
Then he admitted the hard truth: he resents me. For choosing this life, without him (ofc I did consider his wishes, but I was NOT having another abortion).
We both agreed we'll change some things, but he admitted I can't do anything, he has to forgive me but he's struggling.
It broke my heart. I want so bad for us to work out, but I don't know if we can. Also I might end up resenting him for not doing his part, even when he knows it's not fair for me. I ask the literal bare minimum.
Anyone been on a similar situation or has advice?
