am i a terrible person
let’s just say me and my husband aren’t in the best financial situation. we barely scrape by on rent, get behind on some bills and can’t afford groceries or diapers from time to time. this is one of those times we barely scraped by on bills so we don’t have ANY extra money. ZERO. (also partially because he eats fast food at work basically every day instead of packing a fucking lunch) but, my mom is nice enough to help us when we need it. she’ll buy groceries that wic doesn’t cover, diapers, gas, things like that. this month my mom has helped upwards of $400. anyways. my husband comes home from work and says he found $25 in his work truck, i’m thinking FANTASTIC! just in time to buy wipes, milk, and get gas for him to go to work tomorrow so i don’t need to drain my mom😋 he then follows it with he gave it all away to a homeless man. i’m a bit peeved. because we could’ve really used that money. he says i’m selfish and only think of myself. i said we really needed that, it’s not fair to have to drain my mom out (who is a teacher btw so doesn’t make that much). he says helping people should always inconvenience yourself, i said it’s more than inconveniencing us. WE DONT HAVE ANYTHING! if it weren’t for the help of my mom we would’ve been homeless by now! not to mention, my husband said i hold no value over the homeless guy or anyone else. i said a hypothetical, if you had to choose to save me or the homeless man who would you save? gun to your head. and he said he would let us all die. am i just being a selfish asshole? please be honest.
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Umm omfg no not selfish at all. I mean yes hes being nice but he really needs to think of you and your child before a homeless person.
It’s one thing if he wants to do that to himself but it’s his responsibility to provide for his kids first and foremost. His priorities aré screwed up.
When his kids and you are fed and housed then he can have the leeway to give away. What he’s talking about inconvenience should -common sense here- refer to luxuries, convenience or extras, not basic needs.
Cant pour water from an empty cup, you know? What’s really screwed up is he’s not just using his cup, he’s using his kids’ cup to fill a random strangers cup.
You are being a responsible parent. Not selfish 🤦♀️
Saying he’d let you all die is crazy and also he’s living off of your mother’s grace. Two separate things can be true he can be kind in one way and selfish in another. Y’all honestly aren’t in a place to be thinking of anyone else until you can properly take care of yourselves.
Probably let him feel your mother not stepping in for a month and he might come back to understand how terrible the situation of you guy's living is.
Because one thing I notice with most men is that they get relaxed and think all is well when there is backup.
Remove that backup and their brain will start to see the emergency.
He needs to understand that your mum can't be there all the time. Even if you are the only child, she can't always be stepping in always as she also has retirement to save towards.
Actually at this point, he (and maybe you, if you are not on maternity), needs to have a sit down full on conversation. start looking at a much better financial future plan.
If it means getting a more paying job, moving to a smaller place, removing unnecessary expenses (junk food like u said, giving to others, etc) for now, and some other practical things.
Because honestly, being homeless or at the verge of homelessness with a child is the last thing you want.
Sorry you are going through this though
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