Feeling excluded by other mums
I work for the police force, however I am not a police officer, I work in CCTV and surveillance.
There's a group of mums that attend my daughters playgroup and sometimes after playgroup we would all go for a coffee at the cafe around the corner.
I noticed recently that I stopped being invited, I was driving out the carpark a couple weeks ago and saw all the other mums walking down the road towards the cafe. It got me a bit upset honestly and I had a little cry on the way home but I tried to just convince myself they'd forgotten to invite me or maybe decided to go last minute when I was already in my car. But tbh I did feel like a couple of the mums didn't like me, I tried my best to chat with them but they weren't very warm or chatty to me.
We were all at playgroup yesterday and I was talking to one of the mums who I'm closest with and I asked if they were going for coffee afterwards and she seemed a bit awkward and she was like "well S is organising it, maybe ask her"
S is one of the mums who doesn't seem to like me very much.
It felt so childish like surely we don't all need her permission??
I went along anyway and immediately felt out of place and like everyone was actively trying to ignore me, even the mums who I am friendly with. Like I was definitely crashing the coffee date.
The only reason I can think of is my job. I had mentioned it a while ago and one of the mums said "oh watch out, don't say too much in front of this one!!" And then another had mentioned in a joking way that I might know S's man (at first i thought maybe through work but I quickly realised they were implying that he's some sort of petty criminal)
They were all laughing about it and never really brought it up again but since them I've noticed a shift and I can't think of any other reason to exclude me.
Honestly it's got me really down and I've spent a lot of today thinking about it and I'm trying to look for a different playgroup to go to with my daughter. I had a wee cry to my husband last night and he says I've just to ignore them and keep going because our daughter really enjoys it and it's so close by, but I don't think he understands that most of the reason I go is to try and make mum friends.
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They seem childish you dodged a bullet
If you and your daughter enjoy the club I'd be tempted to still go and maybe ask one of the mums who your closer to whether she wants to meet up for coffee or something just the two of you. But like Lauryne said, they sound really childish, especially if the reason to exclude you is your career. And they're not worth your time, mat leave can be lonely enough without dealing with things like that and you might be better off finding a different group!
Stuff them, they sound like a bunch of twats. Grown women playing hierarchy like that 🙄 I wouldn’t want to be part of a group like that, definitely dodged a bullet. Hold your head up high, it’s not you 🫂
Either find a whole different playgroup or feel out this group to see if any of the other moms don’t like S’s “Regina George” vibe, and invite them to another coffee shop.
Of course the latter option may cause drama, so if you don’t want that it’s best to bow out rather than force something when most are actively making you feel unwelcome.
That sounds horrible, just like the tough bits of high school. I'm really sorry you're facing a situation like this with grown adults who should really know better. They clearly are not very compassionate or thoughtful people and potentially not the friends you really need in your life or would be able to count on. I know that won't make it easier in the moment though. I think if it was me, I'd have a good old cry and vent about it to my husband and my proper friends, and then I'd try hard to just rise above and be polite and friendly to them, but only as much as is returned. I'd focus my attention on finding some new groups or classes to try out and see if any nice people seem like potential friends. I'm genuinely just really sorry they have made you feel this way. I think it reflects poorly on them not you. Xxx
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