I really resent my partner

I’m on mat leave with my second who is 8mo and we also have a 4 year old.

When we found out I was pregnant we always said we’d continue to have an active social life and see people etc. 2026 was always going to be a mad busy year as we have a few friends weddings/stag/hen do’s in. But my husband has just been so excessive with plans - he’s out at least twice an evening in the week and then usually out Sat night / away Sat night & Sunday twice a month.

I think cos I make my plans during the day seeing friends and I’m tired in the evenings so I make less evening plans but I’m just exhausted doing double bedtimes and really resenting my partner. I obviously am aware he is very much entitled to a social life but I just wish he’d dial it back a little cos him swanning off and skipping out of bedtime is just pissing me off big time. Not really sure what I’m asking for - solidarity? Am I being just a bit of a tired moany cow? Should I say something? Should I just have some choccy and stfu?

For what it’s worth my 8mo wakes 2-3 times in the night and generally is up at 5am which generally falls on me unless I basically shove my husband to take him so I can rest 🥴

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This would upset me a lot too. He’s not being a present and helpful father. He’s entitled to a social life but in my opinion if you have a wife and two children your family comes first before your social life. Going out twice a week and on weekends is normal behavior for a single man, not a father of young children.

My partner goes out on occasion with his coworkers and even though it’s infrequent, they always poke fun at him “why aren’t you with your family??”

Your feelings are valid. The load is not even. It sounds like he is taking advanfage of the evening plans to get away from the evening shifts.

I hear ya on still wanting a social life. Shoot we all do but man this is a commitment and something you both agreed to become parents. Sure social life is cool but childhood is only once and friends and events happen all the time.

I have never told my partner what he can and can’t do, however my partner is always respectful, I don’t think this is. I have the same age kids as you and it’s rough! A social life is important but your happiness right now is even more important. I would be annoyed. If my partner goes out in the evening he will usually go after bed time and says no to things when he’s been out lots or I’m really struggling.

I would 100% bring it up to him. Your feelings are valid. Right now you feel more like a solo parent. He needs to help out more and prioritize his family when possible (I understand it won’t be every time).

This is just absolutely not the season of life for multiple nights out a week, I’m sorry.

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