Advice - don't want MIL visit when baby is born

I’m in my third trimester and want to restrict visits from my mother-in-law after the baby is born. She’s largely uninvolved with our 2-year-old and hasn’t checked on me once during this pregnancy. When our first was born, they visited 5 days postpartum and it was unhelpful, I had to host them and felt uncomfortable breastfeeding around her and her husband.

My husband agrees she’s narcissistic, but he prefers not to 'rock the boat' since she only shows up every few months. It's tricky because his grandparents are great and involved, but restricting his mum while welcoming them will definitely cause friction.

How can I get him to understand where I'm coming from and help protect my peace after birth?

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I would say that I simply want to enjoy that bubble as a family of 4 as paternity is limited and should be spent together as much as possible and not hosting visitors family or not 💁‍♀️

I would say this exact message to your mil and other family members and if they have an issue then not to come at all. In addition if they wish to visit to arrange visits and no random drop ins and if they ask why I would say as above - it is to spend time as a family of 4 and adjust in peace

Going through something similar with my mom and i basically sent a text to her expressing my feelings and setting boundaries.
I let her know she’s welcome to meet my son when he’s born but as far as coming to stay and help out we have it covered and at this time I just am going to need space.
I’m at a point where I’m tired of compromising for people who could careless about my well being .

Also congrats on your new baby 🤗

If your hubby doesn’t want to rock the boat, I see where he’s coming from a little, because causing friction will only cause you unnecessary stress. I suggest putting a time in place I.e 2 weeks post partum for her to visit and for only 1-2 hours. If she makes an issue your husband needs to explain it’s either that or nothing as your still recovering and you both want as much time as possible to bond as a family. as you have mentioned his grandparents are very involved you still want them to be able to continue that and support you as they have plus your 2 year old.

I mean it sounds like he understands where your coming from if he agrees. Maybe tell him and his grandparents that you don't want many visitors and that they're welcome of they dont tell anyone that they came so who else doesn't come doesn't feel left out ? Honestly f everyone tho.

Question? Are you guys are going to be the only ppl around when baby is born? Because you said you have a 2yr old so that means you will have help while you have the baby? Is it your family? That's also why he saying those things and while I whole heartily believe in you getting your peace and stuff. But it's also not fair for him.

Thank you everyone for the advice. I definitely want to advocate for just the 4 of us during the first few weeks till we get a routine.

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