I don’t think my BD is my person and I’m terrified
We met a few years ago and got pregnant about 6 months into dating unintentionally. But when i was pregnant we were still doing good and everything was fine. However, I feel like post partum everything feels different. He doesn’t really talk to me about much anything, I don’t feel like he’s attracted to me since gaining pregnancy weight, he makes snooty comments about money and how I need to pay off my student and car debts before he would marry because he’s not marrying debt (everything in his life was fully funded by his parents who seem to always come before me). And maybe my biggest beef is he just isn’t that into being a dad. He’s attached to his phone 24/7 even when our son is trying to get his attention and it really just grosses me out. How can you not want to interact with this hilarious little man? He doesn’t do activities with us like go on any outings, the pool, the zoo, etc. I just go alone. My sons not missing out on life on his account.
All of that to say I am so confused and terrified and I don’t know what to do. I am heartbroken and terrified of the idea of my son having split parents. I never wanted that. But I also don’t feel like we are the right match at all.
I’ve tried talking to him about the things that I don’t like or that feel hurtful to me and he goes on the defensive. Ive brought up therapy (i go every 2-4 weeks) and he said “why would you even ask me that? Because I’m just the f***ed up one and need therapy because IM the problem?” I don’t know what else to do but my soul hurts a little more every day. He’s not always terrible we have some good times but our priorities and wants don’t feel aligned at all for what our life looks like.
Has anyone been there? Do you regret staying so long? Do you regret leaving? Is your baby still fine and happy with separate homes? Do they mature at all and it gets better? Our son is 18 months.
Am I wrong for wanting my husband to back me up with his daughter?
My 9 year old stepdaughter is becoming quite the challenge. She is very rough with my 14 month old and I’m constantly telling her to stop doing things that could hurt my toddler. Yesterday, my toddler did what toddlers do and playfully hit my SD & her reaction was to headbutt my toddler. I corrected her immediately. We had guests over when it occurred and they just looked at me like woah that was crazy. After they left, I mentioned it to my husband in front of sd and she responded “no you saw wrong” to which my husband pretty much just shrugged and said nothing. I replied I’m not about to do this and got up to walk away since it’s absolutely disrespectful of a child to basically call me a liar at something I witnessed.
While I was upset my husband looked at me and said say something to her, which is what I was doing when I mentioned it.
Am I wrong for feeling like the moment she tried to say I saw wrong was when he should’ve stepped in to correct her and set her straight? He ended up doing so only after he and I argued about it.
It’s almost as though he just wants me to parent her and that’s not cool. I have my own bio son who is 14 and would never allow him to think it’s ok to lie and disrespect my husband. He thinks it’s because he bonds with him more than I bond with her. But it’s like no, I’ve parented him to know better. And I do bond with her. I do her hair, I just bought her a period kit to bring to school just in case as she said her peers have started theirs. But it’s truly hard for me to get close to her since she’s constantly lying about things I see her doing, doesn’t listen and makes me repeat myself a million times and is unsafe towards my toddler.
It’s creating a wedge in my marriage and I truly feel the drift.
