Am I being unreasonable?
We are due our second baby in October and I’ve asked my husband if he could take over the finance planning and meal planning and LO’s birthday and Christmas presents for November and December. He said no, saying am purposely setting him up for failure. He said that apparently am only doing this because i usually start Christmas and birthday shopping during the summer holidays and because I haven’t done that, am setting him up. I was originally planning on starting all the birthday and Christmas shopping during the school holidays but unfortunately my dad passed away unexpectedly at the end of June and it completely threw me off everything and my whole life has been turned upside down. Not once since my dad passed away has my husband offered to take the load off me like meal planning or finance management, he literally came to me 4 days after my dad passed away and was asking me what’s the finances was looking like so he had a few stuff he wanted to order so I had to look into that for him. I’m currently under my prenatal mental health team because since my dad passed, my mental health has declined to the point where my midwife is having weekly conversations with me about potentially going on antidepressants to manage with everything! Since my dad passed I haven’t done anything to get ready for the new baby and I’ve constantly asked my husband for help with sorting baby stuff out and it feels like am in this alone. I’m 31 weeks and nothing has been done so panic is settling in. All am asking is that he takes over those things for November and December so I can just breathe and get a break for a bit from the mental load. I will still be doing the day to day stuff like cleaning and keeping on top of everything but he hears that as me saying I won’t be anything for 2 months and just lazy around… which is far from the truth. My house is always clean, even when am unwell or has been traveling…I always make sure everything is in order and I would still have a newborn and a toddler to entertain and feed but in his mind, I’m gonna so absolutely nothing for 2 months and that am purposely setting him up for failure! I’ve already decided to do the finances stuff til October just so I can make sure all the baby stuff is sorted in time. I feel so overwhelmed at the moment and I just want to be able to shut off from this stuff just a bit so I can breathe and be present for my little ones. His mum has been absolutely amazing at helping me and supporting me through this season but she has her own life and can’t just keep dropping everything to come help me. I feel so lost and guilty for speaking up for myself because of his reaction to me asking him to help me for 2 months with the finances, meal planning, birthday and Christmas stuff!
