Is he gaslighting me? Or am I actually the issue ?

So I've been having some issues with manning the kids by myself lately. My husband started a new job and hes on night shift. I also work full time, am 15 weeks pregnant, and take care of our kids. At the moment his only focus is work. He works 12 hours shifts it's hot I get it. But even before he went on nights all the had to worry about was work. I'm completely handling everything else alone. We are living with my grandparents at the moment. Everything that could
Go wrong has went wrong in the last month. What im getting at, I have reached out to him 3 or 4 times now, literally broke down crying to him about how I feel and how im not handling anything very well. And twice were over text and he ignored both. Once he was at work. Later I found out he gets like 30 minutes and
Hour of down time to goof off at work. And once was at home. The other two were in the car. And I'm in full blow crying I need help mode. And he says im hormonal. Or to stop being manic. Then doesnt say a single word after. Then denies ignoring me. Or neglecting me. I wanted a divorce at the beginning of the year. This us how he has always treated me. I served him the papers and he changed. Fast. And for once the change stuck. Then I got pregnant. And hes back to normal.. am I crazy???? I dont see a way out anymore guys and im at my limit.

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Would this bother you too ?

My partner and I are spending the weekend at my MIL’s with our 1yo, Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon, so only two nights. We don’t see her loads as she has a very busy life, although she’s not completely absent from our lives.

We’ve brought a handful of toys with us, about 6. She’s been playing in the lounge, so obviously that’s where the toys have ended up.
Last night before taking her upstairs for bath and bed, I put all the toys together in one section and tidied everything up.

Today we’ve been out shopping and then had a BBQ with a few guests over. My daughter was playing with a shoebox which was left in the lounge, along with some of her toys. When it was time for bath and bed, I had to take her upstairs with my partner, but because there’s no crib or bedrail, I basically had to stay with her in the room. My partner was then out in the garden catching up with long-time friend who came to visit.

Later, my partner came upstairs and told me his mum had been complaining that we’d left a mess in the lounge. I’m annoyed that she made a point of mentioning it.
I completely understand if we’d absolutely wrecked the place, but it was literally a few of my 1yo’s toys left in the area where she’d been playing.

If this was my house, I wouldn’t have said a thing. I’d actually see having my child's toys in the living room as a privilege and part of having her there. Obviously I appreciate that not everyone is the same and some people like their house kept a certain way.
But it’s left a really sour taste in my mouth and has actually made me think I’d rather just not stay here anymore.

Am I being unreasonable for being annoyed that she complained about a few toys being left in the lounge? Or would this bother you too?

Do you have a routine where one parent cooks while the other looks after the toddler?

I’m a stay-at-home mom, and my husband works from home or sometimes goes into the office. I’m with the 23 months old toddler all day, and after 5 p.m., when he’s mostly finished with work, I start cooking dinner.

And somehow, that’s exactly when he decides to call his family. 😂 The baby isn’t really included in the conversation, so while I’m cooking, I also have to entertain the toddler.

I’ve tried to bring this up, but he said what I’m saying is rubbish. Like, how am I supposed to cook and entertain the baby at the same time?

We ended up having a fight about it. I’m not saying he can’t talk to his family, but I feel like dinner time should be something we plan together, especially when there’s a toddler involved.

How do you guys handle dinner time? Do you have a routine where one parent cooks while the other looks after the baby?

How do people bring a new baby home when you already have a toddler?!

There is a 3 year and 1 weeks age gap between my children. I gave birth yesterday! Have come home this evening. Bed time has been diabolical. I don't know what I expected. But it wasn't this 😂
My 3-year-old is freaking out every single time the baby is crying. My exhausted husband is in the 3-year-old's room trying to get him to sleep and failing. It's now 3am. My newborn won't go in there next to me and is crying a whole bunch due to lots of new surroundings and smells etc. To be expected? Maybe! But how the hell do people do this 😂 I had a C-section yesterday. In a whole bunch of pain. Looking like no sleep will be had by me. Feel worried! Any tips?!

Found a second phone

Welp. My husband who works out of town is using an old phone of his. I found it in his car. I can’t unlock it and he doesn’t have a SIM in it but I did sneak it out of the car and I’m charging it up as I’m considering confronting him with it. I figure if it’s all charged, he can’t use the excuse that’s it’s dead and try to get rid of it.
My understanding is that in spite of that, he can still call and text using WiFi.
Any ideas on what to do? Feedback?

How do you share chores with your hubby?

At home we mainly have our own set rules ( me cook, bins, clothes, dust polish m, windows), we both work full time but he earns double my salary so i just need to pay my half on the mortgage and contribute something to the credit card monthly. He covers the rest but I find because I have more WFH days I naturally do his roles, hoovering daily which is his job. I haven't mopped so he has something to do and he hasn't mopped in about 2 months for real! Since being pregnant he does cook more because in the early days the smell make me sick but he's only confident making pasta which is fine but boring after 7 months, so I do a bit more cooking now .. when it comes to our child I do much more and I notice it more now, make sure nursery bag is packed, dirty potty training clothes are actually emptied from the bag and washed lol.. make sure bath time is done and do bed time and whenever our toddler wakes up, make sure he has age appropriate toys and developmental toys.. I had to speak with my hubby the other day to say its not ok that he sleeps in till 7-8am every day and I'm up at 5-6 or whenever our son is the natural alarm clock whereas you can wake up naturally when his body feels rested, i haven'thad that luxury of a wake up past 7 in years. During the week day my son wakes around 6 and my husbands alarm goes off at 6 but he doesn't get up for our child I do and he continues sleeping till 6.30-45 or until I wake him up! I don't do it often because your not my child your a big man 🤨 but this stuff never really grated on me till now! He is getting bigger weight wise and I strongly believe hes becomes a couch potato with little energy or stamina the more weight he puts on but we are dur another baby in 7 weeks so I need him to be more onit with our son. Make sure hes having a varied diet not just cheesy pasta where are the veg! Not on your phone constantly while " playing" with our son. I do no phone, non interrupted play its important and shows genuine interest. He would leave our sons bed sheets for for ever where as I change it weekly or every 2 weeks is I forget but I think the bottom line is I have to be my husband reminder to do tasks in the house or do things i think he should know eg add veg to the food, change the bed sheets, you haven't hoovered in 2 weeks ect like come on why am I your personal reminder.

Is he gaslighting me? Or am I actually the issue ?

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in our community

Would this bother you too ?

Do you have a routine where one parent cooks while the other looks after the toddler?

How do people bring a new baby home when you already have a toddler?!

Found a second phone

How do you share chores with your hubby?

Is he gaslighting me? Or am I actually the issue ?