Vent

you are not a bad person you are just a human and what you are feeling its ok and I can really relate to you. Im 19 as well and I love my twins but I also wonder about what could have happened if we were more careful but as I see them grow that thought is not as constant as it used to be at the beginning. I wish you the best and never think that you are a bad person because you wonder about things because it's completely normal to have wonders as a human.

We all miss our old lives babe . But regret means you’d change it in a heartbeat if you could. I don’t think we resent our kids, I think we just miss ourselves as just ourselves not as someone else’s parent. Always putting them first and us last. I’m 22 mom of 2. I can’t say it gets easier but it gets more accepted within yourself when you start including the kids in “your” day . She’s still really little , but you can do spa days with her, (breast milk or oat baths) (baby nail polish) or include her in dinner nights, game nights at home or get a play pen and baby camera and watch her on your phone while you have bf time. It’s a big change, don’t expect it all to feel perfect immediately

You’re not a bad person, I’m sure every mother has gone through this to some extent, whether it’s missing their partner or missing the person they were before they had their little one.

It must be difficult having spent so little time just you two, but as soon as you feel comfortable could you leave her with a grandparent for an hour or so to spend some time together? Go for a walk or lunch or just have a cuddle? The first 6 months I found the hardest, but just an hour can help your relationship so much. It took me until my daughter was 9 months to feel comfortable enough leaving her, but when you are, just an hour or two can help you feel more like a partnership again.

I hope this helps and wishing you all the best, you’re doing amazing 🤍

Girl, first of all, you are NOT a bad person or a bad mother for feeling this way. ❤️ Please stop beating yourself up over thoughts that you didn’t choose to have.
You can love your daughter with every part of your heart AND miss the life you had with your boyfriend. Those two things can exist at the exact same time.
You’re only 19, you’ve been with your partner for 14 months, and your baby is literally ONE MONTH old. Your entire life changed overnight. You went from being a young woman who was building a relationship and imagining your future to suddenly being responsible for a tiny human 24/7. That is an enormous adjustment for anyone, especially when you barely had time to experience being a couple together.
And I want you to understand something: missing your old life does not mean you wish your daughter didn’t exist. You can wish you had waited longer to have children while simultaneously being incredibly grateful that your daughter is here. You can think, “I wish we had gotten

More time alone together” without thinking, “I don’t want my baby.”
I actually think one of the most important things you’re grieving is not your daughter—you’re grieving the version of your relationship that existed before parenthood. You miss sleeping next to him. You miss cuddling without worrying about the baby. You miss going out spontaneously. You miss being his girlfriend instead of constantly being “Mom.” And honestly? That’s understandable.
Right now you’re also in an incredibly intense postpartum period. Your body just went through pregnancy and birth, your hormones are shifting, you’re probably severely sleep deprived, and your brain and emotions are adapting to motherhood. Your brain doesn’t simply flip a switch and instantly know how to balance being a mother, a partner, and your own person. Give yourself time. ❤️

And please don’t make permanent conclusions about your relationship or your life based on how you feel during the hardest, most exhausting month you’ve ever experienced.
This isn’t your forever.
Right now it feels like you’ll never be “you and him” again, but that’s not true. Your relationship is going to have to change, yes—but changing doesn’t mean disappearing. Eventually you’ll sleep next to each other again. You’ll have date nights again. You’ll cuddle on the couch again. You’ll laugh together again. You’ll go places together again. You’ll have moments where it’s just the two of you.
It might look different than it did before, but different doesn’t automatically mean worse.
And please don’t forget Jesus in all of this. ❤️ You don’t have to be ashamed of bringing these feelings to God. You can literally pray, “Jesus, I love my baby, but I’m exhausted. I miss my relationship. I feel guilty for feeling this way. Please help me.” God isn’t shocked by your feelings.

You don’t have to pretend you’re okay with Him.
Sometimes we think faith means we aren’t allowed to admit we’re struggling. It doesn’t. Even Jesus showed us that it’s okay to be overwhelmed, to cry, to need rest, and to ask for help.
Your daughter isn’t a punishment for something you did. She’s a person God entrusted to you, and you can love her deeply while also acknowledging that becoming a mother this young changed the trajectory of your life.
And please remember: you are still allowed to be YOU. You’re not only someone’s mother now. You’re still a young woman. You’re still someone’s girlfriend. You still deserve friendships, laughter, hobbies, romance, sleep, affection, and a life outside of your baby.
Talk to your boyfriend about this instead of carrying it silently. Tell him, “I love our daughter more than anything, but I miss us.” He may be feeling the exact same thing and be afraid to say it.

Try to intentionally create tiny pieces of “us” again. Even if it’s 20 minutes after the baby sleeps where you put your phones away and cuddle. Eat dinner together. Watch a show. Sit outside together. Eventually have someone trustworthy watch the baby so you can go on a real date. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. You just need reminders that you’re still a couple, not only co-parents.
And lastly, if these thoughts become constant, you feel hopeless, extremely anxious, detached from your baby, feel like you can’t cope, or have thoughts about hurting yourself or your baby, please tell someone and speak with a doctor immediately. Postpartum mental health struggles are real, and getting help doesn’t make you a bad mother.
You don’t have to love every part of motherhood to be a loving mother.

You’re allowed to miss who you were.
You’re allowed to miss your boyfriend.
You’re allowed to wish you had more time.
And you’re allowed to love your daughter more than anything.
All of those things can be true at once. ❤️
Give yourself grace, girl. You’re one month into a completely new life. You don’t need to have it figured out yet.

And one more thing I really want you to ask yourself: Do you have a village? ❤️
Do you have parents, grandparents, siblings, close friends, or anyone you genuinely trust who can help you with the baby sometimes? Because that matters SO much.
You and your boyfriend aren’t supposed to feel like you have to do every single thing completely alone. If you’re both constantly exhausted, taking shifts sleeping in different parts of the house, and putting every ounce of yourselves into taking care of the baby, of course you’re going to feel like there’s no “us” anymore.

Sometimes what you need isn’t a different baby, a different relationship, or a different life — you need support.
If someone trustworthy can come over and hold the baby while you shower, take a nap, eat a meal, clean, or simply sit with your boyfriend for an hour, TAKE THAT HELP. If someone can watch the baby so you two can go for a walk, grab food, or have a date, let them.
And don’t be afraid to build a village if you don’t already have one. Motherhood was never meant to be completely isolated. ❤️
You’re both learning how to be parents AND learning how to remain a couple while doing it. That’s a lot for anyone, let alone two young people who barely had time to experience life together before becoming parents.
So don’t make yourself feel guilty for wanting your boyfriend back. You don’t need to choose between being a good mother and being a loving partner. You need support, communication, rest, patience, and time.

And remember, Jesus didn’t ask you to carry every burden by yourself. Sometimes the help God sends you comes through the people He places around you. Let people love you and help you when they can. ❤️

If you live in NYC I’d be more than happy to help you, I’ve been there. And you don’t have to do it alone!