Struggling with asking for help

My husband and me have a clash when it comes to night shifts with baby and this is our third and it's still happening. He works and needs to concentrate in the daytime on his business so that we have money so he needs to be rested. I am mainly responsible for the "management of our home and family". Every night I have this expectation of myself to be with baby all night and in some cases only get like 2-3 hours sleep a night because "I am at home and could nap when baby naps" but on the other hand then lots of things won't get done and I will also miss out on daylight and some time for myself. Then when I come up to around 3 nights like this my sleep deprivation makes me irritated, moody, impatient and or cranky and that affects my relationship so then my husband offers to take the next night over so I get a full night's sleep again and it's super difficult for me to accept because when I see him getting irritated at the children after just a few min vs. that it takes me a full day I often naively think that the baby will be happier with me and I am responsible for his happiness but really when my husband makes his mind up, he takes amazing care of them.
Can anyone relate at all? Sometimes we get into an argument because of how personal or horrible I take some things and when the truth comes out, that the reason for it is sleep deprivation he accuses me of maliciously not asking for help and trying to be a hero instead of "making it easier for him to help me". I don't know why it doesn't feel easy though

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I can completely understand why it doesn’t feel as simple as “just ask for help” 🤍 When you’re the one who normally manages the children/home, it’s so easy to convince yourself that you should cope because your partner works, and then feel guilty handing baby over even when you desperately need sleep. But 2–3 hours for several nights isn’t sustainable, and looking after three children all day is work too. I think it might help to agree on night shifts before you reach breaking point — even if he just takes a set portion of the night or certain nights each week. And if you know he takes good care of them once he’s doing it, try to remind yourself that baby being cared for differently by dad doesn’t mean baby is being cared for badly ❤️ Also, I don’t think it’s fair to call it malicious; it sounds much more like guilt and feeling responsible for everyone than deliberately refusing help.

I can completely relate, be and my partner are supposed to do split nights but it never works out like that, he always asks me to take over after I’ve only been asleep for an hour or 2 if I’m lucky! And we are going through the 4 month regression so I am getting no sleep but he seems to get a good 6 hours of solid sleep a night whilst I’m running on fumes 😢 it is so hard and if I say anything about it, it then becomes a competition of who deserves to be the most tired

He also often nap during the day for over 2 hours if he is off work whilst I am expected to just carry on. Sorry I have no advice but I am here in solidarity ❤️

I was like this with our 2nd. I’d tell my partner if she wakes up between say 1-3 he can settle her and I’ll settle her for anything outside that I would wake up. I was lucky that my girls had a close enough age gap that they would sometimes nap together and best believe I took a nap with them when I could! I’d sit down with him and say could he wake up for a few hours of a window and you wake up for the rest! It worked for us perfectly,he didn’t go to work tired and I still had enough sleep where I wasn’t cranky x

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