Advice is this a bit odd?

Apologies for the harshness of what I am going to say but I think you're asking for a reason. If i'm honest, my instincts would say he is being unfaithful. Its sadly all too familiar. The main indicators are his preferences and behaviour have changed, including changing his appearance/ grooming habits. He is also lying to you and sounds like he is good at it. He doesnt want sex with you, even though you want to but is attending to his own needs? Why not just have sex? It all just seems too fishy and i would be out the door or at the very least getting evidence. Its up to you what you do though. Sorry hun. X

Thank you! I feel a bit naive with the world sometimes so I do appreciate your perspective!

I’m just wondering how if that is the case… I honestly don’t think there’s time to be seeing anyone physically? Time is generally accounted for? So I’m wondering if there’s any other routes

Can you check his internet history? To me this sounds like he's on a 2 way video chat with someone?

He might have just been watching porn and he's shaved for himself but you definitely have a right to be concerned.
Although if he's not showing up physically in your relationship this is bad enough to have it out with him anyway.

That’s what I’m leaning towards something like that. I don’t think it was his original plan to have been in that morning… I’m naive but can you pay for stuff like that online? Yes he was watching porn and using lube on that occasion. I feel so naive with stuff like this just trying to work out what he was doing.

It’s been hard with our two yoyng kids but I do feel let down really given that he’s not told me the truth on things

He sounds like a good liar, so is it possible he lies abouy how much he works? possible he could be cheating at work? Or possible when hes going to do sports he could be cheating? Even if its over video, unless its something you have a agreed to then i would see that as being unfaithful too, especially if hes not having sex with you.

It is possible as hours do vary and yes you never know if someone is at work - works in a very male dominated place and sports our friends are part of but you are right there is still windows of time that I may not be aware of. And definitely do wonder about video cheating or even photos he sent of himself. He’s never sent a photo like that to me. And that’s it - he always seems so repressed but clearly isn’t and that’s what’s upset me as well. Know he used to go to uni with people who live abroad so do even wonder that. But yer the lies are making me not trust him!

And since the lube we’ve been more intimate and clearly not shaved so trying to work out what happened around that point last month. He’s clever and secretive so even if I tried to find out I suspect I wouldn’t know … annoys me really if he’s gone down paths if he’s found things difficult etc