Husband's friend is moving in with us

So I received a message from my husband saying his friend is coming back to the city TODAY and has nowhere to stay and heading to the homeless shelter, so he offered to stay with us. We don't have a basement suit so he would stay in our spare room. He is coming back to the city from rehab and he has a court appearance for stealing a car, driving with no license and fck knows what else.....
I do not want him around my child!! I'm literally freaking out. He is nice to talk to if passing by but I don't trust him. And I sure don't trust him around my toddler.
What do I do? They're already at home.
My husband wants to help him to get straight, but we already did when he first moved to the city. Helped him, move, gave him a lot of stuff for the apartment he rented, vacuum, beddings, old computer etc. to get started. And he just doesn't care. He doesn't work a job longer then a month, lives on benefits, then got involved with people doing drugs. What if he tells them our address saying he is staying there?? I don't want the police to come knocking at our door or he is "friends" he left behind when fled to rehab...

What do I do???

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

Is there anywhere you and the kiddo can go to stay the night? Even a hotel until you can make more long term arrangements to move in with a family or friend (assuming he tries to let this guys stay despite your refusal). I would refuse to come home (or leave if you’re already home) and won’t go back before that guy is out. He needs to discuss this with you before hand and not like “I’ve decided I want to do this” but a discussion asking for your opinion and agreeing on the decision.
I agree 100%. He cannot invite strangers, particularly grown men with known issues, into a home with a child, without your complete agreement and even then I would raise my eyebrows that anyone would agree to that.
This is a safety issue. It’s not a disagreement about parenting styles. I would draw the line and make it clear you’re not giving ground here.

Avatar

You’re not me, but that would be a no. I wanna help people too. Not to my own risk though. This guy sounds too unpredictable. He can come over for dinner.. that’s about it.

Avatar

I would be pulling my husband to the side and say he can stay for like a week maybe a few weeks maximum. But that he needs to leave as soon as possible. Also that husband should have 100% asked you before letting this happen. You aren’t comfortable with this and he shouldnt have just said yes

Avatar

I'm so upset about it. My husband was already looking for apartments for him. I told him he can rent a room if he doesn't have the money for an apartment. So we agreed he can stay for a very short time. And he better be looking for a place to stay.

Avatar

Its not your responsibility to take care of a grown man. You can be kind and still have boundaries. Your husband needs to stop enabling this man. Let him find his own accommodation even if its a homeless shelter. Sorry but he chose to be a criminal which led him to this, its not your husband's responsibility to fix him. I would set a boundary with the husband that if he brings this man to your house youre calling the cops. Idc if thats uncomfortable, as a mother its your responsibility to keep your kids safe

Avatar

Oof he would immediately be uninvited!! At this point the safety of your family is at risk and the man doesn’t seem to be turning a new leaf. Like you said the bad could follow him to your home and he doesn’t seem to have clear plan on getting his own place/job soon. Sounds like a recipe for disaster.
Also you shouldn’t have to leave your home with your toddler out of fear for him to stay in your home. Tell your husband this can’t happen

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

Partners

Anyone else struggling with being told they ‘don’t do enough’ by their partner despite having next to no energy and still doing all of the house jobs that they did before? 😐

Avatar

4

9

School Run and Newborn

Any tips for doing the school run with a newborn who is EBF? My husband is going back to work on Monday and has been a huge help, getting our eldest sorted while I change and feed our 5 week old. But how do I manage when he's back at work? He'll have left the house before we need to wake up so won't be able to help at all. Thank you!!

Avatar

6

being the primary parent

this is one part that i didn’t really think about when having a child. like ofc i knew my man would have to go back to work but he worked day shift when i was pregnant so i was more hopeful but now he’s on nights so it is just me and the baby all day every day except weekends but even then im still doing everything for the most part. on top of that he barely helps around the house. ive just been feeling very sad lately like i could just do this all on my own i really dont need him. and that sucks but its true and why keep someone around who isn’t adding anything to your life??

Avatar

3

8

Pre pre nursery place - worried mum

My child is 2years and 4months and been offered a full time nursery place and recently and grateful but also worried about the age being young
Also a massive class of 26. Has anyone else’s child started this young ? Mon -Friday ? So undecided to make to right decision 😣😣

Avatar

5

Husband's friend is moving in with us

So I received a message from my husband saying his friend is coming back to the city TODAY and has nowhere to stay and heading to the homeless shelter, so he offered to stay with us. We don't have a basement suit so he would stay in our spare room. He is coming back to the city from rehab and he has a court appearance for stealing a car, driving with no license and fck knows what else.....
I do not want him around my child!! I'm literally freaking out. He is nice to talk to if passing by but I don't trust him. And I sure don't trust him around my toddler.
What do I do? They're already at home.
My husband wants to help him to get straight, but we already did when he first moved to the city. Helped him, move, gave him a lot of stuff for the apartment he rented, vacuum, beddings, old computer etc. to get started. And he just doesn't care. He doesn't work a job longer then a month, lives on benefits, then got involved with people doing drugs. What if he tells them our address saying he is staying there?? I don't want the police to come knocking at our door or he is "friends" he left behind when fled to rehab...

What do I do???

Avatar

6

Nursery meals

My little boy started nursery last week and he’s not been eating much there at all. I know it’s early days so I’m trying not to worry. Has anyone else experienced this with their little one? If so, did it improve and how long did it take roughly? I’m hoping it’s just a case of him needing to settle in more and get used to the new environment/routine 😊

Avatar

3

Read more on Peanut